I have a question. What am I supposed to feel when my best friend goes on a date with the best friend of the guy I used to (?) like? Yeah. It happened. And did I "used to like him" or do I still like him? I can't figure it out. STUPID FEELINGS!!!!! aldalkhglakdjfkldahgalsdjflhglkadflkhagoihewiosaondgaw. that's how I feel right now. confused.
This feeling comes and goes. It's come. It'll go. I know it will and I'll feel fantastic again once it does.
FYI being discreet is tough. Saying "the guy i like(d)" is so much more effort than just typing his name. But I don't want everyone figuring everything out. I like it that way. It gives me a sense of mystery and privacy at the same time. It's fun to leave some of you in the dark.
5.30.2010
5.29.2010
Summertime
It's been nearly a month since I posted last. I apologize. The last month of school is always the worst. May is the time when I start feeling lazy but teachers start piling on the lessons they never actually got to. It's also finals. Finals week is exhausting. I stay up the latest during finals week because of studying. The latest so far--3 a.m. I get up at 6:30. 3.5 hours of sleep just isn't enough.
But it's summer. I don't have to worry about school for another three months. Three peaceful, glorious, relaxing, fun, worry-less months. And this summer will be different. This summer I can drive. This summer I have better friends than ever. This summer will be better.
The other thing about summer is I don't have to see certain people for months. It's not that I particularly hate anybody, it's just that there are some people I don't exactly ever look forward to seeing.
Here's a random thought: Why is it that during the school-year, I can't seem to read anything that I'm supposed to, but during the summer months, I can read most of a book in just one sitting? It's pretty ridiculous.
I've been reading "She Said Yes" by Misty Bernall. It's the tragic story of Cassie Bernall, one of the Columbine Shooting victims. May they all rest in peace. Story goes that just before she was shot, Dylan Klebold, one of the shooters, asked if she believed in God, to which she replied, "Yes," and he shot her, instantly killing her. It's very inspiring and makes me want to re-examine my faith. It's very good. I highly recommend it.
I tried to make this post long since it's been a while since I've posted. This is all I have to say though. Nothing else has been happening with life. Oh! Some good news! I got a view of the boys' golf page in the yearbook and all 8 pictures on it were taken by yours truly. I'm pretty excited. Now.....that's it. I have nothing else to say.
But it's summer. I don't have to worry about school for another three months. Three peaceful, glorious, relaxing, fun, worry-less months. And this summer will be different. This summer I can drive. This summer I have better friends than ever. This summer will be better.
The other thing about summer is I don't have to see certain people for months. It's not that I particularly hate anybody, it's just that there are some people I don't exactly ever look forward to seeing.
Here's a random thought: Why is it that during the school-year, I can't seem to read anything that I'm supposed to, but during the summer months, I can read most of a book in just one sitting? It's pretty ridiculous.
I've been reading "She Said Yes" by Misty Bernall. It's the tragic story of Cassie Bernall, one of the Columbine Shooting victims. May they all rest in peace. Story goes that just before she was shot, Dylan Klebold, one of the shooters, asked if she believed in God, to which she replied, "Yes," and he shot her, instantly killing her. It's very inspiring and makes me want to re-examine my faith. It's very good. I highly recommend it.
I tried to make this post long since it's been a while since I've posted. This is all I have to say though. Nothing else has been happening with life. Oh! Some good news! I got a view of the boys' golf page in the yearbook and all 8 pictures on it were taken by yours truly. I'm pretty excited. Now.....that's it. I have nothing else to say.
5.03.2010
Tired
"why the crap would i care what he did over the weekend? you know i'm trying not to like him anymore." ....this was the conversation i had at lunch today. i'll explain in a moment.
as you will notice, i've started to be careless about most things. my grammar, for one. my capitalization is crap in this post, but you'll have to deal with it. the end of the year is nearing and i'm becoming more careless by the minute.
conversation explanation: (that's lots of "tion"s haha)
a friend and i were talking about a birthday party that occurred saturday night. three reasons i was so bitter about it: 1) i wasn't invited. 2) "buddy" was there and i really couldn't care less what he did this weekend. 3) i heard it was crazy in a bad way.
that's all the explanation i have. i hate talking about it cuz it puts me in a bad mood, so...moving on.
I'm tired now. tired of lying to myself. tired of trying to get over this guy. tired of people making things worse. tired of him ignoring and avoiding me. tired of trying to make a friendship work. tired of feeling like i've done everything wrong. tired of feeling ugly and unwanted. tired of pessimism. tired of bad girls getting everything i ever wanted. tired of missing out. tired of school. tired of staying up all night. tired of homework. tired of dealing with peoples' crap. tired of seeing people that make me feel awful every day. tired of being tired. i'm just tired. i want everything to get better. and i know it will soon. there's always a light at the end of the tunnel. I don't know how close mine is, but i'm getting closer every second and i have that to look forward to.
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