Tired

"why the crap would i care what he did over the weekend? you know i'm trying not to like him anymore." ....this was the conversation i had at lunch today. i'll explain in a moment.

as you will notice, i've started to be careless about most things. my grammar, for one. my capitalization is crap in this post, but you'll have to deal with it. the end of the year is nearing and i'm becoming more careless by the minute.

conversation explanation: (that's lots of "tion"s haha)

a friend and i were talking about a birthday party that occurred saturday night. three reasons i was so bitter about it: 1) i wasn't invited. 2) "buddy" was there and i really couldn't care less what he did this weekend. 3) i heard it was crazy in a bad way.

that's all the explanation i have. i hate talking about it cuz it puts me in a bad mood, so...moving on.

I'm tired now. tired of lying to myself. tired of trying to get over this guy. tired of people making things worse. tired of him ignoring and avoiding me. tired of trying to make a friendship work. tired of feeling like i've done everything wrong. tired of feeling ugly and unwanted. tired of pessimism. tired of bad girls getting everything i ever wanted. tired of missing out. tired of school. tired of staying up all night. tired of homework. tired of dealing with peoples' crap. tired of seeing people that make me feel awful every day. tired of being tired. i'm just tired. i want everything to get better. and i know it will soon. there's always a light at the end of the tunnel. I don't know how close mine is, but i'm getting closer every second and i have that to look forward to.