Anna's Year-In-Review and Resolutions-to-Come

It's been far too long since I last posted, and I know that I say that a lot, but a month and 4 days is pushing it. That's why this post will be quite the lengthy one.

BEING THAT THERE ARE ONLY 2 DAYS LEFT IN 2010, I'd like to review the year. In January (Specifically the 24th) I asked "that guy" to the Sweetheart (Sadie Hawkins) dance, got a "no" for an answer, had a hard time dealing with it, got over it, and now I don't know what the crap I was thinking. He is no fantastic human being. I also found out he is an unexpected party boy. I don't know what my type is yet, but I can tell that Party Boy is definitely not it.
Skipping a bit...in May, I finished 2nd Semester better than 1st Semester and MUCH better than I had expected. (I do, of course, live by the motto: Don't expect much, and you can never be disappointed; only uplifted.)
In June, I chopped 5 inches off of my hair. It has grown about 4.5 back since.
In July, we had a rainy 4th of July. Payback for a White Christmas and warm, sunny Easter.
In August, I began my Junior year, a.k.a. the hardest year of High School. Especially for a Cum Laude (all honors) student such as myself.
In September, I became an official Football Photographer (DREAM JOB!) and Notre Dame kicked off their football season with a new coach, Mr. Brian Kelly. They played a good season for Kelly's first as head coach! I could only be happier if there had been fewer injuries on the team.
Not much happened in October. Just more Irish football.
in November, I turned 17!! WOOT! Also, the Irish went undefeated that month WITH a new, young starting quarterback, Mr. Tommy Rees! (I must say, I find him pretty adorable...and what a player! I was blown away!) Oh, and another thing, they ended an 8-year winning streak by USC. Score: 20-16. My facial expression: Priceless. I wish I had a picture of it.
And it's December now. Not much has happened this month either. Christmas, obviously. On Friday, my Irish will face Miami in the Hyundai Sunbowl located down south in El Paso, Texas. A short history on the ND-Miami rivalry:
They played for quite some time, then in the late 1980s, their games became too violent, and any scheduled games between the two teams were called off for future seasons.

SO WE'VE REVIEWED THE PAST. Now goals for the future:
1. Lose 16 pounds (as of right now.) I am a girl, and we find it hard to tell what we weigh, but I'm going to do it. I weigh...haha gotcha, didn't I? I'm not going to tell you. I'm just going to tell you that I should weight 16 lbs less than I do now to be at my healthiest BMI.
2. Read more!! I need to watch less TV, be on the computer (mainly Twitter, Facebook, and Sporcle) less, and pick up a book instead! There are millions out there and I need to pick just 1 to start with!
3. Stop complaining. My life is good. I don't know why I complain so much. That needs to come to an end.
4. Avoid negative peer pressure. I've done a good job of this thus far, and I need to keep it up! Drinking and smoking are big no-no's! My vow of abstinence and purity still stands, of course, and will until the day I get married! And even after then, the purity part will still stand!(Yes, I did just say "no-no". Tease all you want. I'm still a child at heart. I still say "boo-boo" on occasion as well.)
5. Get more sleep! I get way less sleep a night than I should. I'm going to try to get 8 hours a night unless there is some pressing issue that prevents it.
6. Be more organized! I think if I'm more organized, the other 5 resolutions will come much more easily. I have to get a good planner and keep it up to date with school assignments, appointments, free time, time to exercise, and things I eat (calorie tracker), all among many other things.

For now, that is all. Maybe this post isn't as long as I'd expected. I think before I post, I'm thinking I have much more to say than I really do. So until then...

Rally sons (and daughters) of Notre Dame!! You all better watch Friday's game! See the Irish kill the Hurricanes!

(See how that kinda rhymed. That was on purpose.)

One final thing: check out my photo blog over at itsbananas-annasophia.blogspot.com

Happy Thanksgiving!

I was surprised yesterday with the best Birthday gift a girl could get. My friend who lives in Springfield, MO (attending MSU) was going to come into town, but she called me telling me she had car troubles. I was then contacted by my friend Maria who was going to hang out with us that night, and she said we'd still hang out, but we'd just chill at my house. So at about 7, the doorbell rings and I go to answer....

Sitting on my porch are packages of Reese's peanut butter cups and roses leading to one of the trees in my yard. I follow it and out pops Maria...and Lauren!! It was the best surprise ever!! They lied and schemed for a week just for that moment! I now have 17 roses, each with a message tied to it, sitting on my dresser, and peanut butter cups waiting to be eaten.

We also went to see "Tangled." I must say, it was fantastic! I loved every minute of that movie! It was adorable!

Oh, also before the movie we went to Freddy's for supper. While there, I noticed a guy wearing a ND hat. I thought it was cool. I was wearing my #10 Notre Dame football jersey and my ND lanyard. As I was leaving, I had to pass his table (he was sitting by the door with his friend) and he said, "Hey, I like your jersey," to which I replied, "And I like your hat." It was pretty tight.

Needless to say, that was one of the best nights ever. Future boyfriend, you have a helluva lot to live up to.

Post #60

DC is out for the season with patellar tendon rupture. I hope he gets better soon, but it's a 6-month recovery. Yikes. Tommy Rees did a good job during the 3.5 quarters that he played though. True frosh=true talent. I'm impressed.

Our first term paper of the year is due on Wednesday. I finished my edits, but I have to highlight the data in my sources, get my notecards put together, and reprint everything. I'm almost there. Wednesday is also Scarlet Letter day. We drew names of our classmates out of a bag and had to make a letter that describes their personality for them to wear from English class until the end of the day. I'm pretty excited to see what people think of me.

Okay. I need to get back to my homework. I just needed a quick break. I have chem to finish and English that is non-term paper or Scarlet Letter day related.

Have a good November! I'll probably post sometime before December comes though.

Rainy, cold Friday Night Football....fun I suppose.
Notre Dame at 11...instead of 2:30.....had to rush my chores.
The thrill of watching the game....worth it all.

I might get a bigger bedroom. My parents are still deciding if they want to split my sisters into the two small rooms (one of which is mine) and give me the big room. Do I want the bigger room? Hell yes! Does my sister want a smaller room? Ha...that's funny. No. She doesn't.

I watched How to Train Your Dragon last night. Cute movie. I enjoyed it a lot. I also rented season 1 of Nurse Jackie (the Showtime show about a Nurse on Drugs attempting to live a double life). It's pretty good too. Edie Falco is awesome!

Oh gosh...Just saw a commercial for a nacho cheese chalupa from Taco Bell...that sounds really tasty right now. ANYWAYS!

UGH...got to the 1-yard line with no TD...dang it! *sigh* well that was only the first drive of the game, so we've got time.

I just realized....I'm going to have very little to blog about when football season is over. I'm quite the boring person. I need a life.

I seriously need to put "put new post on blog" into my daily routine. I'm sorry it's been so long again. I hope you like my blog redesign though.

Well, I'm really starting to freak out about college. It's junior year--the big one. I've got a lot to focus on--SAT, ACT, GPA...that's a few too many acronyms. I hope I can survive. Plus, there's one college I want to go to....any guesses? Notre Dame. I'm DESPERATE!!!!! I will do anything to get in. If I don't, I have no idea what I will do.

Football season in halfway over...not cool. I'm going to have way too much time when it is. I'm going to be so bummed when it is.

Alright....funny story....this weekend, three of my friends all said told me the same thing when I talked to them at different times. They told me that they think a particular guy and I would be a perfectly adorable couple. And, no, it isn't Buddy....speaking of whom, I don't like him at all anymore. Not even close. As a matter of fact, I look back on last year wondering what I was thinking.

I have an ACT Prep class tonight...it's four hours long. It better be worthwhile. If not, I'm going to be pisssed!

Okay, I'm out of things to say again. Well until next time, which I hope won't be too long.

Whaddup?

It's been a while. I'm sorry. That's why I'm back now.

SO! There's a new guy at school. I thought he was suuuuper cute for the first couple of weeks he was here....until I heard a story about him. He's not even half as appealing anymore. Stupid.

That brings me to my next point: in high school, we meet boys who are seemingly good--they don't drink, they don't do drugs, they're nice, funny, smart....and then you find out one big deal-breaker that makes you wanna shoot someone in the face.

I really have been out of things to share lately...geez. I need some crazy stuff to happen to me so that I have something interesting to say.

Farewell for now.

Back

Sorry it took me so long to put up another post.

So i started using my twitter. I've had it since last year, but I haven't ever used it. I like it a lot now because I'm finding so many people I like on it. I have found a ton of the Notre Dame football players, which is awesome.

Speaking of Notre Dame, they are now 1-3. I hope to God that next week is a better game. Talking about the game afterwards was literally physically painful. It was bad.

KU won. The Chiefs won. My school won (epically, I might add). Things will get better.

I'm doing all right. I hope y'all are too.

More Football.

GO CRUSADERS!
ROCK CHALK, JAYHAWK!
CHIEFS! FOR THE WIN!
FIGHTING IRISH...I still love you!

I hate Michigan. Stupid, stupid Michigan. First, they injure Dayne Crist. How dare they?! Then they play dirty....what filthy, reviling, excuses for college football players.

And one more thing, Nate Montana is NOT HIS FATHER! Don't hold him to the same expectations! That's so pressuring!

But KMC won 43-9. mwahaha
Jayhawks beat GT....which was quite unexpected but awesome, nevertheless. Jordan Webb, you are my new hero.
CHIEFS!!!! WHAAAAAA?!?!?!?! Nice job beatin the Chargers. I am proud. Do good this season. Please.

Football!!!!

I loove football. Had I been born a male, I would no doubt play the game. Notre Dame is playing right now. KU is playing later this evening. KMC played Thursday night....I looove football.

At the departure of Jimmy Clausen as the starting QB at ND, Dayne Crist is taking over. He was the back-up last year, but only got to play 4 games. He's not very experienced, but he's got skill.

I'm going to continue watching now. Score is 10-0 Notre Dame. Sweet. Let's kick some boilermaker butt, Irish!

The Month in which autumn begins...

It's September. Or as the French say, "Septembre." Spelled almost the same, pronounced quite differently.

This reminds me of a song by a band that sang a song that got really famous. So famous, in fact, that they got a show on Broadway with a title of the same name....any guesses?

"Wake Me Up When September Ends" by Green Day.

I've always liked that song and it belongs to a ritual which I do every Sept. 1st. I listen to the song. It's a pretty draining ritual***Sarcasm.

Friday Night Football season is in full gear and I. Am. SOOO. PUMPED!!! (Even though my school's first game was tonight, on a Thursday, I'm still calling it F.N.F. because T.N.F. is weird. That rarely happens.)

Okay. I'm done talking now. Go on with whatever you were doing. That means you, EWitt. haha;)

Like a Sack of Bricks

The realities of school are finally starting to hit me (insert post title here). I have my first real test tomorrow. It's an APUSH (AP US History) test, and I don't feel at all ready for it. Despite my need for a life, I studied all weekend for it. So why don't I feel ready? My best guess is that the students who took it in the years before I have said that it is the hardest class I will take while in high school. Possibly, this is leading me to expect something harder than it really will be. I'll keep you posted.

I'm losing sleep. I am a very picky sleeper; I cannot have any noises that aren't constant (i.e. clicking, beeping, etc.) If it's a fan or some kind of dull white noise, I'm good to go. Also, NO LIGHT! Yes, I sleep with my eyes closed, but if there is a bright light coming from anything, I cannot sleep. I can't be too hot or cold, I can't have had any caffeine within 8 hours of going to sleep, I MUST have some sort of blanket. That's one reason I'm losing sleep. The second is that homework is invading my sleeping time. I've been falling asleep in the middle of homework, causing me to lose my focus, forcing me to come back to it later, making me stay up later and later every night, causing me to fall asleep during homework the next day. It's a vicious circle of sleep deprivation.

Fate

Is there such thing as fate? The skeptic in me says no....as a matter of fact it screams no: "There's no such thing as fate, Anna! Forget about it!" But circumstances keep throwing things in my face. Whether it deals with school, family, relationships, or other stuff, it shows up all the time and throws itself out at me. I can't help but notice either.

Unlike my inner skeptic, the romantic in me wants only to believe that fate is real--that these things all happen for a reason and they keep happening so that sometime, I might pay attention to them. Do you see my dilemma? I'm wrestling with the two sides of myself. It's hard.

There's a lot I can say about fate. There's honestly enough that I could keep writing until the one post is longer than the other 50-ish I've posted, but I'm not going to do that. This is all I'm going to say, and that's enough for me because I think about it all the time.

When I Grow Up....

Let me tell you this first: when people as me what I want to be when I grow up, I get a little bit mad inside. "Grow Up" is basically a way of them saying, "You're still young and immature and are incapable of making big decisions." Wrong. I do still have a bit of growing up to do, meaning I'm still young and somewhat immature (not in the perverted, stupid immature that always comes to mind first), and I have trouble making big decisions, but honestly, who is really completely grown up?

Second: The two professions that I am highly considering at this point are in the legal and therapy fields....how are they related? I get to work with people one-on-one for the majority of the profession and a lot of the job is speaking and listening--two things I KNOW I'm good at.

Third: I am a normal, human, warm-blooded American girl....growing up, I went through phases. I wanted to be a ballerina, an actress, Britney Spears (that one, not so much anymore. At all.) a princess, a cowgirl, a veterinarian, and of course, even a firefighter (like my Dad). But now is the time for me to get serious. I need to be realistic and start asking myself, "Where do I want to go to college?" "What do I want to major in?" "What jobs can I see myself doing for the rest of my life?" The answers are these: I want to go to either KU (in-state), Notre Dame, Columbia, or another prestigious school. I have NO clue what I want to major in, so don't even ask me. The jobs I can see myself doing are, once again, something in therapy or legal.

My mom is very opposed to my slight want to be a lawyer. "Don't go to the dark side, Anna!" She said. Are all lawyers bad? I sure as h-e-double-hockey-sticks hope not. When I tell anyone I have a slight desire to be a therapist, there is one reaction: "OH! I can definitely see you doing that!" which I guess is a good thing--especially because I can also see myself doing something like that.

In a nutshell, I don't know what I'm supposed to do for the rest of my life. One thing I do know though: Whatever it is, I just hope I'm always happy.

Nemo

Remember in FINDING NEMO when Nemo was about to go off to school and started yelling, "FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL! FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL!" He was really excited....I don't mind it, but if I could choose between school and break, I'd go with the break every time.

Overall, today was good. I have a pretty good feeling that tomorrow will be better though...one word: YEARBOOK!!! That class will be epic. I have like a billion friends in that class!

I don't much like my lunch though......there are hardly any juniors in it. That's so weird.....junior.....i can't believe I'm a junior. Wow.

Well I'll report on tomorrow as well.

OH! It's my mom's birthday today! Happy Birthday, Mommy!

Farewell, Summer.

Dear Summer,

You arrived to late and you departed too soon. What we will do without you. Getting used to the early mornings and long school days will take some time. We had some good times. You let me sleep in, watch movies, bake all day, play guitar, go around all over the place without worrying about my responsibilities. I'm going to miss you for the next nine-or-so months. If I had a glass of something alcoholic, I'd make a toast. So symbolically, Here's to you, Summer. Farewell.

Sincerely,

The Students of schools all over the US


Dear Autumn,

Welcome! My favorite season of the year! The weather, the colors, and football! Also, my birthday. I love you autumn. I'll have to get used to school again before I can give you a proper welcome, but I'm ready for you. I'll still be waiting about a month, but you'll be arriving sooner than expected, which I look forward too. Don't be late.

Sincerely,

Anna

No, I regret nothing.

In my very first post, way back in January, I said something that I no longer believe. I was wrong. I am more than willing to admit it also. This post will be a correction of that post. Here's what I said:

"I've heard a million and one people tell me to "live life without regrets". Not only is that just short of impossible to do, but also, I find no purpose to it. Regrets can also be called mistakes. We do stuff we shouldn't have. We look back and feel that knot of guilt in our stomach. I am a firm believer in the fact that all humans--excuse me-- MOST humans learn from their mistakes. If we live life without regrets, we'll keep making the same mistakes over and over again. But sometimes there are things that we must face without regrets, no matter what our gut may tell us to do."

Corrections:
1. I haven't even met a million and one people.....I probably haven't even met a thousand.
2. It is NOT impossible to live life without regrets. In fact, I'm doing it now. I regret nothing so far. Do I regret doing some naive and immature things? No, I don't, because I realize now how stupid they were and I'm sure I won't do them again. Do I regret asking certain, possibly stupid/obvious, questions? No, because I learned from the answers. Do I regret posting the paragraph above? No, because that proves that I'm only human--that I make mistakes, but I can correct them.
3. Regrets aren't mistakes......I have NO idea what I was thinking when I said that. The definition of REGRET is "A feeling of disappointment or distress about something that one wishes could be different." The definition of MISTAKE is " An error or fault resulting from defective judgment, deficient knowledge, or carelessness." I see no likeness whatsoever between the two words. You can regret a mistake, but they are not the same thing.
4. MOST humans don't learn from their mistakes or the mistakes of others. SOME do. If most people did, we would have a world free of dictators, wars, sin, and corruption. Because these things carry on, however, we can assume that someone didn't learn from either his own or someone else's mistake(s).
5. If we live life without regrets, we won't make the mistakes again, but we won't look back on them as bad experiences. Some of them may be, but we need to look at positive aspects of those situations. My sweetheart ordeal made me realize that it doesn't kill to go out on a limb--granted, it may hurt, but it doesn't kill. I am now more willing to go out on limbs when they are presented to me, and now that I know how painful (emotionally, of course) a situation like that can be, I can be ready for the pain next time. It's like a mental acetaminophen.

Despite my mistakes while writing that first post, I do stand by my last sentence: "But sometimes there are things that we must face without regrets, no matter what our gut may tell us to do." There are things in life that prior to doing, we will say to ourselves, "I'm going to regret this, won't I?" We cannot let that stop us. Sometimes we need to do things that we might regret because they make us better people. They shape us and they shape society. There are also things in life that we will have no choice but to regret, and we just have to deal with those feelings of regret. We need to learn to come to terms with our actions and the consequences of them.

Edith Piaf's signature song, "Non, je ne regrette rien," is the perfect summary of what I'm saying. It was one of the final songs she recorded. In English, it means, "No, I regret nothing." She died not too long after recording it, and she didn't regret anything in her life. I think we all need to be like Mademoiselle Piaf in that way....we need to be rid of our regrets before moving on to anything else*.

I've talked about regret a lot today. I've written 2 posts today and my other mentions it at least once. Regret is something that's tried to recently pry into my mind, but I am fighting it off and making sure it doesn't return. I don't want to have regrets, and regretting my past actions will prevent me from growing and moving on.

*Not necessarily death, such as in Edith's case.

Worried. Not angry.

A friend and I are worried about a mutual friend of ours. We're worried she's going to make some idiot decisions and really regret them. We want her to look back on her life and say, "Non, je ne regrette rien." (Credit to Edith Piaf) Will we stage an intervention? Possibly. We just need to remember that we come off as worried. Not angry or hostile. If we come off as angry or hostile, she might take it the wrong way. This will be difficult, but I think worth it in the long run.

School is in 3 days.....too soon....and yet not soon enough. It's killing me. I don't know how to feel about it. I think I'm allowed excited to be excited for the first day and then dread every other day at least until Christmas break.

I got the yearbook. And I'm loving it. (No McDonald's reference there.) I have pictures for basketball (which was unexpected), golf, and other various activities.....how sweet, right?! I'm pretty psyched about it. Last year in the index I had one number by my name....which was my class photo. Now I have 10....nine of which are all but my class photo.....much better. I feel involved. :)

Pressured Post.

It has been scorching hot for the last what seems like forever. That sentence probably didn't make any sense, but you know what I mean....it's been hot for a looong time. I'm sure people in Arizona would probably scoff at me, but at least they have a dry heat. Ours is humid....try not breaking a sweat within 30 seconds of standing outside.

So whilst trying to avoid this heat, I've been watching movies....lots and lots of movies. Movies I've recently seen:
1. Shutter Island
2. Zombieland
3. The Heartbreak Kid
4. Kick-Ass
5. Smiley Face
6. RocknRolla
7. Red Eye
8. Vicky Cristina Barcelona
9. Hanging Up
10. (500) Days of Summer
11. Couples' Retreat
12. The Men Who Stare At Goats
13. Big Fish
14. All 6 of the Star Wars movies (Dad bribed me.)
15. The Ghost Writer
16. Year One
17. Amelia
18. The Lookout
19. She's Out of My League

I'm going to stop there.....I know I've seen more, but I'm going to stop hurting my brain thinking about them.

#10 only half counts as of right now. I've rented it, but I haven't gotten around to watching it. I will tomorrow though.

So what's been going on lately?

I found out I have a problem saying "Physical therapy".....(I even had a problem typing it. Something's wrong.) Guess who's probably not going into that field? One guess...

I am learning French....because I want to. Yes, despite my strong hatred for the past 2 years of Spanish class, I want to learn French. I'm not taking a class though...at least not while I learn the basics.

Well school resumes on Thursday.....sad day. I'm kind of excited though....but by the second day of school, I'll want it all to be over.

Okay, Emily. I hope this post is sufficient. I usually don't know how long these are until I see them on my actual blog, so I hope this is good enough.....it'll tide you over for a while. I'll try to keep up with the posts though. And I'll have so much more to write about when school starts.

Bored

You know you're a loser with no life when you want school back. The first two months of this summer were great, but now it's just getting old sitting at home watching movies. I keep getting those days where I don't feel like doing anything at all. I'll walk around the house in circles hoping that something to do will magically appear....but it doesn't. I don't feel like being on the computer, I don't feel like reading, I don't feel like watching a movie, playing wii, and most days it's too hot to go outside.

I have watched soo many movies this summer. I've seen INCEPTION twice now....and I might get to see it a third time. I cannot express how much I love that movie.....so I'm going to talk about it more. I sure hope you've seen it so you understand. I cannot get over how much more detail I caught onto when I saw it the second time. These little details that seem to be meaningless the first time are actually quite imperative.

I watched LA VIE EN ROSE. Marion Cotillard deserved that Oscar more than I'd realized. Edith Piaf had a fascinating life! The disc skipped.....all the time! That's what happens when you rent from a family rental place. Now normally I would return the movie and give up on it....but I didn't with La Vie....I had to finish it. And I was so glad that I did. It was so worth the trouble.


Well that's all I have to say for now. Talk to you next time I have something to write about.

Hapy B-Day BFFL

This is my 41st post. Not much of a significant number. It's a prime number. The digits in it add up to 5. 5 is also a prime number. It's the 3rd prime number. 3 is also a prime. It's the 2nd prime number and August 2nd is my best friend's birthday.

The acronym "BFFL" is used too commonly now. People will say about a person they've known for a year or two, "we're BFFL's." If you're "best friends for life," does that mean you've known each other for years and years. Not many people have that privelage. I do.

This post is for Paris. We've known each other our whole lives. Literally. We've always lived next door to each other. On August 2nd, she turns 17. I'm a day early, but Happy Birthday, Paris...or "Peeshee." You've been my best friend since before I can remember. And you'll be my best friend when I'm old and start to forget things. I wish you the best this year. Have a good senior year and be the best person you can (not like that's any different from the first 16 years). She is truly my BFFL.

Theoretically the Oldest

My older brother drives me insane. His mentality is sickening. Is it right that he comes to me, his 16 year old sister for money and a ride because he doesn't have his own or he's out of gas and can't pay for more? No it's not right. I'm four years younger. I shouldn't have to act like his older sibling when I'm so much younger than he.

Today he set me over the edge. It was a hot pocket. I bought a box yesterday. I planned on having one for lunch today. I went downstairs and smelled something too familiar.....a cooked hot pocket. I went to the freezer...no box. My sisters didn't eat it. My mom didn't eat it. My dad is playing golf.....so I stormed down the stairs pounded on his basement-bedroom door and asked him if he ate it. BINGO!! There he was. Sitting, enjoying MY hot pocket. I can live without hot pockets...what set me off was that he didn't even bother to ask if he could eat it. He knows that my parents don't buy them. He knows that it wasn't his. There must have been something inside his head saying, "That might be Anna's....should you eat it.....??" but he went ahead and took it.

He buys his own frozen pizzas and Velveeta macaroni and cheese dinners.....why couldn't he have had one of those?! I asked him. "I finished them last night," he said. Last night....or this morning....at 2 FRICKIN A.M.! It's wrong.

I HATE having to act like the oldest. True, I am the oldest girl, but really?! Must I act the the oldest even when he's around? I'm worried that when I'm in my late 20s and early 30s trying to settle down with my life, he's going to barge in and need a large sum of money or a place to stay because he's not doing anything with his life. And I'll be too nice to say no. This must stop. He needs to get on with his life and make something of it. I won't do it for him. I will not make the mistakes he is making. I'm going to learn from them, something he can't or just won't do.

I'm sure I'm not the first girl in the world to have a defective older brother. And I sure as hell won't be the last. So here's to 2 years from now....I'll be in college living in a dorm and he'll probably still be here. And when that hits him, it'll hit him hard and he'll feel like crap for not doing all he should have when he got the chance. I am theoretically the oldest, so I have an example to set for my sisters...and my older brother.

My Feet

About 2 seconds after I posted last night, I realized that the title of the post, "19 Minutes" is also the title of the book I'm currently reading. It's by Jodi Picoult. It's a very good book...and I haven't even gotten that far yet......
....okay....I seriously want to go see INCEPTION again. That movie is definitely my favorite.

Mosquitoes bother me. They don't tend to bite me...when I have shoes on....however when my poor, size-9 feet are naked and exposed, then cometh the mosquitoes....I have about 5 bites on each of my feet. Including the bottom. Here's a piece of advice: Don't go to the drive-in and let your bare feet hang out of the car. That's how I'm guessing I got them. It's pure misery.

Alright....well that's all for now.

19 Minutes

It won't be 11:11 when I post this, but it is when I started writing. Make a wish.

MOVIE REVIEW TIME!!!
11:12
Christopher Nolan's "Inception" was amazing. It lived up to every single expectation I had and surpassed most of them as well. In other words, it kicked cinematic butt. If and when you go see it, don't see it alone. No, it's not scary. You'll just need someone to talk to about it when it's over. 11:13. The movie was about dreams. It was fascinating. After I got home and went to bed, I thought to myself "Okay. I have to remember my dream tonight. Especially. I want to figure out if it's in any way similar to what they talked about in the movie." 11:14. Now I'm going to talk about the actors.

Leonardo "Leo" DiCaprio as Dom Cobb. He is a very privileged actor. He's had the chance to work with some of the world's best directors. 11:15. James Cameron, Martin Scorsese, Christopher Nolan.......the list goes on. He pulled off his role amazingly. 11:16.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt, the actor we know as Tommy from 3rd Rock From the Sun, is now much older, much more mature, and playing the type of role that we've never seen him do before. 11:17. He made my jaw drop. He was surprisingly fantastic.

Ellen Page, one of my favorite actresses, (11:18) played Ariadne, the Architecture student who gets involved with Dream-sharing and finds it captivating...much like I did. She should receive the Oscar nomination for Best Supporting Actress. No joke. 11:19.

Tom Hardy, who I had never heard of before seeing INCEPTION, was a really good actor....and he's not too bad looking...and I tend to have a bias towards men with accents. He's british. I rest my case. 11:20. He played the "forger". In dreams, he can change his voice and appearance to fool the subjects of the dream. He was quick-witted and quite the charming character. I hope to see Hardy in larger roles in the future.

11:21

Others in the cast included Michael Caine (A Chris Nolan film regular), Ken Watanabe, Cillian Murphy, and Oscar-winning actress Marion Cotillard for her role in "La Vie en Rose: The Life of Edith Piaf". 11:22. They, too, were all quite amazing.

11:23...Already? How the time flies!

Now I'm waiting for Craig Ferguson.....he is my last laugh before bed.

The laugh will be good, especially tonight. 11:24. Earlier today, I found out that one of my mom's students died in a car accident. She was a twin and I can't even imagine the pure hell her sister must be going through. I met her and her sister once. 11:25 They came over to our house during a storm because their apartment building didn't have a basement. I now remember that she talked about getting ready to graduate...she was a year away....but she didn't make it. 11:26. How tragic. That made me realize that everything could end in a split second. She died instantly from her injuries. 11:27. I would say that makes me afraid to drive, but if I never drive or ride in a car again, I won't have much of a life, will I? 11:28.....11:29......11:30......time is flying by, so we have to utilize it to the best of our abilities.

Take it away, Craig....make me laugh.

Dramedy

All summer, I have been watching the greatest drama TV show to ever have aired: ER. I seem to go through flukes of TV. I watch a bunch of medical shows, then legal shows, then reality shows, then high school teen flick shows, etc. But the best drama show I have ever watched is ER. (Maybe that's why it ran for 15 seasons.) I was almost a year old when it began. I was 15 when it ended. It was nominated for hundreds of Emmy's throughout it's run. It is an amazing show. Just watching it makes me feel so much smarter. It makes me want to be a doctor....or a nurse....someone in the medical profession.

Comedy shows are what get me though. You can ask me over and over which my favorite is and I won't be able to give you an answer. Gilmore Girls, Arrested Development, Glee, 30 Rock, The Office, Modern Family.......There are way too many to pick. I own the complete Gilmore Girls and Arrested Development series and every season of 30 Rock released so far. I'm waiting for Glee....and Modern Family.

Don't even get me started on those shows. I could talk forever!


.....I'm going to get started anyways. Gilmore Girls, as I think I've posted before, is a televised glory in a fast paced chick-flicky package. There's not one thing I don't like about that show.

Glee is like the reality of High School with the touch of musical we all love deep down inside. When I talk about it, I see guys roll their eyes and scoff, but I know they're just hiding their inner gay thinking, "Oh my God!! I totally looove that show!" (I'm listening to the Glee soundtrack while typing this. It's sooooo goood!) Lea Michele should have been famous a long time ago. And lemme tell you, the guys in that show are HOT! Plus, they can sing which is so sexy!

30 Rock is probably the funniest comedy I've ever seen. Tina Fey is my idol. She is beautiful, smart, and talented. If I could grow up to be any celebrity it would be her. Hands down. Alec Baldwin is perfect for that show. He delivers his lines in the perfect dead-pan way. Tracy Morgan, in any other setting, would annoy the ever living out of me, but in 30 Rock he just makes me laugh. The actors and actor/writers who play the writing staff of TGS round out the show: Toofer, Lutz, and Frank are the perfect trio: The smart, Ivy-Leaguer with an attitude, the lazy foodie, and the unhygienic, childish pervert.

Arrested Development (2003-2006) only ran for 3 seasons. Not because it was a bad show, rather because Mitch Hurwitz, the creator, didn't feel like is was it's best as a series. A movie is scheduled to come out in 2011. I can't wait. It has the perfect cast:
Jason Bateman as Michael Bluth, the CEO of his recently imprisoned father's home model company.
Michael Cera (yes, Paulie from Juno) as George Michael Bluth, Michael's socially awkward child.
Portia DeRossi as Lindsay Bluth-Funke, Michael's gold-digging, vain twin sister.
David Cross as Tobias Funke, Lindsay's career-confused husband.
Alia Shawkat as Maebey Funke, Linday and Tobias's rebellious, neglected daughter.
George Oscar "GOB" Bluth, Michael's older brother aspiring to be a main-stream magician.
Tony Hale as Buster Bluth, Michael's still-living-at-home/mama's-boy younger brother.
Jeffrey Tambor as George Bluth, the owner of Bluth Homes and Michael's imprisoned father.
Jessica Walters as Lucille Bluth, George's alcohol-depended wife, and vain, cold mother of Michael and his siblings.

The Office and Modern Family: The mockumentary comedies about the employees of Dunder-Mifflin Paper Company and the antics of an extended family, respectively.

I hope you watch at least one of these amazing shows I've listed. If not, you're missing out. Believe me.

The Giant Void.

"The truth is no one knows about me. I feel like I'm just sending things into this giant void."

Do you know what movie that quote is from? It's from the movie that made me want to start blogging: Julie & Julia.

Julie Powell needed something to keep her motivated. She said that she never finished anything. I don't believe that finishing is always what's important. Succeeding is what's important. She succeeded with many, many things. She succeeded with cooking every recipe in "Mastering the Art of French Cooking" in 365 days. She succeeded with killing the lobsters. And she succeeded with making me want to blog.

I certainly realize that I don't have many readers. I mean, hello? 5 people have subscribed to my blog after 5 or so months. And most of them probably don't even read it. But I don't care. The fact that I can say something and hope that someone might be reading it is good enough for me.

So readers...if there are any of you...all I can say is how much I appreciate your time.

Keep reading. Keep Dreaming. Keep succeeding. Keep having faith in the giant void.

July Post a.k.a. Love

Clever title, huh? It's been over a month since I've posted last, so I felt obligated to post again.

Dreams are funny things, huh? Sometimes you want to tell everyone about your dream because it was so cool, but other times you feel almost embarrassed to have a had a particular dream. That happens to me sometimes. I feel like I have to defend myself before telling people any of those particular dreams, telling them, "I can't help what I dream about and I wasn't even thinking about that before bed." And it's true. A lot of times I don't. Usually the embarrassment pertains to WHO is in my dream. I think it's probably the same for a lot of people. Anyways....

The other day, I read a question: "I love blind?" So I thought about it....Is love blind?....I don't think so. To answer this question, you need to know what "love" is and it's stipulations.

In this culture, we use that word too much. "I love my shoes." "I love my dog." "I love 'Glee'." "I love Robert Downey Jr." "I love my parents." "I love God." These all imply different things. Would you die for your shoes? Would you die before missing the next episode of "Glee" on TV? Would you die for your dog?......on a different scale: Would you die for your parents or siblings? Would you die for God? The meaning of love is put into perspective when you think about it that way.

Here was my answer to the question though: Love isn't blind. Infatuation is. When you really love someone, you see every flaw and every perfection that they have, and you love them despite. When you're infatuated with someone, you only see the perfections and you deny the flaws. See the difference?

(I just added the "a.k.a. Love" to the title. Not that you needed to know that...)

Quitter

Today I was teaching my younger sister volleyball. She played last year, but she quit. She felt as if she wasn't good enough. "I'm not an athletic person, Anna," she told me. I reassured her that no one is born an athlete; they work towards it. But she didn't listen. She just quit. She doesn't have a great role-model though. I quit too much.

I quit piano. I regret it so much. I wish I were one of those people who can just sit down at a piano and have her fingers fly across the keys and some magically beautiful melody will come from the piano. But I quit. It takes much effort to get one song down and even harder effort to get it memorized.

I quit ballet. I quit reading "Gone With the Wind." I quit planting a garden last summer. I quit trying on a lot of things. I'm a quitter. I don't quit everything I start, but I do quit most things.

Quitting is also called giving up. I'm giving up on him. Screw it. I'm done trying. At some point, it's healthy to give up and now's my time. I'm done.

"Driving away from the wreck of the day, and I'm thinking 'bout calling on Jesus,
'Cuz love doesnt hurt, so I know I'm not falling in love, I'm just falling to pieces. And if this is giving up, then I'm giving up, giving up. If this is giving up, then I'm giving up, giving up on love, on love."

Envy

How can you envy what doesn't feel?

I envy the leaves on the trees when it's windy.
They dance and they look happy.
They look like what I want to feel.

I envy the clouds.
So peaceful in the sky.
Peaceful like I will never be.

I envy the trees.
So powerful, tall, awed.
Whereas I feel small, helpless, a laughingstock.

I envy my bed.
So easily it comforts me.
It's hard to comfort myself when I hurt.

I envy her.
She doesn't give a second thought to those around her.
She doesn't feel what she puts others through.
Yet she gets him.
He fell under her spell, and now he is senseless too.

That is how I envy what doesn't feel.




This is a poem I wrote in 5-ish minutes. Poetry is a key tool for me because it allows me to sum up all of my feelings with just a few words. With no rhyme scheme, or meter, this is clearly free-verse. Free verse are my favorite types of poems because anything can be said through them using strong descriptors and emotion. Plus, they allow me to let out my emotions and relax just a bit.

[Insert Witty Title Here]

I have a question. What am I supposed to feel when my best friend goes on a date with the best friend of the guy I used to (?) like? Yeah. It happened. And did I "used to like him" or do I still like him? I can't figure it out. STUPID FEELINGS!!!!! aldalkhglakdjfkldahgalsdjflhglkadflkhagoihewiosaondgaw. that's how I feel right now. confused.

This feeling comes and goes. It's come. It'll go. I know it will and I'll feel fantastic again once it does.

FYI being discreet is tough. Saying "the guy i like(d)" is so much more effort than just typing his name. But I don't want everyone figuring everything out. I like it that way. It gives me a sense of mystery and privacy at the same time. It's fun to leave some of you in the dark.

Summertime

It's been nearly a month since I posted last. I apologize. The last month of school is always the worst. May is the time when I start feeling lazy but teachers start piling on the lessons they never actually got to. It's also finals. Finals week is exhausting. I stay up the latest during finals week because of studying. The latest so far--3 a.m. I get up at 6:30. 3.5 hours of sleep just isn't enough.

But it's summer. I don't have to worry about school for another three months. Three peaceful, glorious, relaxing, fun, worry-less months. And this summer will be different. This summer I can drive. This summer I have better friends than ever. This summer will be better.

The other thing about summer is I don't have to see certain people for months. It's not that I particularly hate anybody, it's just that there are some people I don't exactly ever look forward to seeing.

Here's a random thought: Why is it that during the school-year, I can't seem to read anything that I'm supposed to, but during the summer months, I can read most of a book in just one sitting? It's pretty ridiculous.

I've been reading "She Said Yes" by Misty Bernall. It's the tragic story of Cassie Bernall, one of the Columbine Shooting victims. May they all rest in peace. Story goes that just before she was shot, Dylan Klebold, one of the shooters, asked if she believed in God, to which she replied, "Yes," and he shot her, instantly killing her. It's very inspiring and makes me want to re-examine my faith. It's very good. I highly recommend it.

I tried to make this post long since it's been a while since I've posted. This is all I have to say though. Nothing else has been happening with life. Oh! Some good news! I got a view of the boys' golf page in the yearbook and all 8 pictures on it were taken by yours truly. I'm pretty excited. Now.....that's it. I have nothing else to say.

Tired

"why the crap would i care what he did over the weekend? you know i'm trying not to like him anymore." ....this was the conversation i had at lunch today. i'll explain in a moment.

as you will notice, i've started to be careless about most things. my grammar, for one. my capitalization is crap in this post, but you'll have to deal with it. the end of the year is nearing and i'm becoming more careless by the minute.

conversation explanation: (that's lots of "tion"s haha)

a friend and i were talking about a birthday party that occurred saturday night. three reasons i was so bitter about it: 1) i wasn't invited. 2) "buddy" was there and i really couldn't care less what he did this weekend. 3) i heard it was crazy in a bad way.

that's all the explanation i have. i hate talking about it cuz it puts me in a bad mood, so...moving on.

I'm tired now. tired of lying to myself. tired of trying to get over this guy. tired of people making things worse. tired of him ignoring and avoiding me. tired of trying to make a friendship work. tired of feeling like i've done everything wrong. tired of feeling ugly and unwanted. tired of pessimism. tired of bad girls getting everything i ever wanted. tired of missing out. tired of school. tired of staying up all night. tired of homework. tired of dealing with peoples' crap. tired of seeing people that make me feel awful every day. tired of being tired. i'm just tired. i want everything to get better. and i know it will soon. there's always a light at the end of the tunnel. I don't know how close mine is, but i'm getting closer every second and i have that to look forward to.

More Like Her

He likes someone else. It's clear as daylight. I've been saying over and over again that I'm over him. Then is it normal that I feel jealous of her? She has everything I lack. She's smart, pretty, athletic, funny, flirtatious, and everyone likes her. Why her though?

I've been lying to myself, but the truth just hit me like a sack of bricks. I'm not over him yet.

"She's beautiful in her simple, little way, she ain't got too much to say when she gets mad.....I guess I should've been more like that."~~ More Like Her by Miranda Lambert

The Rain Has Gone

"I can see clearly now, the rain has gone. I can see all obstacles in my way."

First, take note that the title has three meanings. One is ironic. Another is musical. The final is metaphorical.

Ironic because it is raining right now.

Musical because, well, it's a song.

Metaphorical because today, I was enlightened.

Someone told me a significant detail which explained why Buddy has been so awkward around me. It is three, simple words:

He. Was. Teased.

I understand now. The other stupid guys teased him about me. Apparently when I walked into the room, they would turn to him and say things like, "ooh there's Anna!!" wow. no freaking wonder!

What guy would want to talk to the girl he was teased about in front of the guys who teased him? He can talk to me over text, but as soon as we come face-to-face, (I know it's a cliche) you could hear a pen drop. Dead. Silent. notta word muttered!

Do I feel better now? yes and no.
Yes, because I know I'm not exactly the reason he can't talk to me.
No, because I feel awful that he was teased on my behalf.

I want to say something. But I don't think I can. It would have to be in front of those idiot guys who are the fault of the barrier of awkward-ness between us. Daaaang. I don't want to hold a grudge, but REALLY?! SERIOUSLY?! You can't just ingore it and not tease him?! JERKS!!

wow.

"There's nothing else I can say. Eh eh eh eh." and "I'll never talk again. Oh boy you've left me speechless. So speechless." ~~Stefani Germantto a.k.a. Lady Gaga

Crash

Once again, I'm going to review the past two weeks listing the good and bad things that have happened.
Good:
I realized that I'm not the person making the relationship between me and Buddy awkward. He is. I'll elaborate in a moment.
I made a new friend out of an old friend. Once again, I'll elaborate.
Field trips!!!
Zoo!!!
Summer is closer!!!
Drive-in sooonn!!!

Bad:
Buddy is making the possibility at a friendship impossible. >:(
I have a new crush. Not good.
I saw a firey crash while driving with my friend. I got flashbacks.

ELABORATIONS:
Awkward Buddy
Yesterday, we did a lab in biology. Our teacher was pairing us up by number of siblings. I was paired with Buddy. But, of course, he would have none of that and went with the other person next to him. So, instead, I worked with another girl in my class. That girl decided to work at the same lab station as Buddy and his partner. Guess who didn't say one word to me? Yep. Buddy. But whatever. I'm so over it.

New/Old Friend
Not much to this story, but I'm once again becoming close to my middle school best friend who I hadn't talked to much last year or the beginning of this year. It's pretty nice getting to talk to her again though.



I'm out of thoughts. But let me say this. After seeing a firey car crash I'm begging you: do not text, drink, or get distracted while you're driving. Also, be very careful. A crash is always someone's fault, but it won't necessarily be you, so be careful of other drivers. And most importantly, make good decisions.

Dad calls me Princess...and I know I am.

A bit of random: Sneezes. Itchy eyes. Runny nose. Spring is obviously here. It's my favorite season...when I take my allergy medicine. I'm making my summer plans. It's so exciting! I'm getting so psyched for summer! Drive-in movies, road-trips with my friends, the pool, golf....dang. I can't wait!!!!

High school is so much fun sometimes, but so frustrating at others. Here are a few things that annoy the crap out of me: shrieking, yelling, excessive complaining to the teacher, excessive flirting, fake laughs, fake stories, crappy comebacks, and too-big egoes. I see these every day.
What do I love? The rush, the excitement of not knowing what's next, making plans last-minute, seeing your best friends every day, learning something while having a fun class, and being a teenager. It balances out pretty nicely. Some days are better than others though. We all know it.


I realized something the other day. It seems like whenever there's a new girl at our school, they become very popular very quickly. I do my best being nice, letting them get acquainted, and helping them out. As soon as they find new people though, I get thrown to the gutter. She's always the one with tons of attention from guys. Here's a bit of an analogy though: The new girl is the shiny, new toy. All the boys want to have her and not have to share her. But eventually they get tired of her and find another new toy to play with. I am the cool vintage toy. Maybe guys see me, and they want to have me, but they can't until they're mature enough to handle me with care.

My mom still owns her Barbie dolls from when she was 13. Talk about vintage. I remember being 7 or 8 and asking to play with them, but she wouldn't let me until I was old enough to be trusted not to ruin them. Get my point? I'm worth the wait. We all are, girls. Don't let yourself be thrown around and treated like a stupid little toy. Wait for the boy who calls you beautiful instead of hot. Holds your hand, not your butt. Lets you rest your head on his shoulder. Kisses you on the forehead. Treats you the same alone and around his friends. Treats your friends like sisters (or brothers).

If you want your Prince Charming, you need to make sure he treats you like the Princess that you are.

Have You Ever Turned a Table?

Oh, how they have turned. The tables, I mean. Supposedly, (meaning I don't know if it's true), some of my friends are convinced that the guy I just got over likes me now. If I'm talking to another guy, he apparently glares at the guy. Also, after class one time, I was walking next to my self-claimed twin (shoutout to Nick!) and we were pushing each other while laughing and joking and whatnot. My other friend said she turned towards me just enough to see "Buddy" glaring at Nick.....she said he looked jealous. You know what I think? haha. He might know just a little bit how I felt. Should I give him another chance? Only if he asks. The ball's in his court.

Good things:
I painted my room! It looks great! It was a good change.
I invested in The Fame Monster by Lady Gaga. Good investment? Well, i'm putting it under "good things," so I'll let you draw your own conclusions.
(Did I mention I'm over "Buddy"? haha. I know I did. Dur-duh-dur. I just like being able to say it.)
I got a peach tea at Sonic Happy Hour. It made me happy. Mission completed, Sonic. ;)

Bad Things:
I won't be able to manage softball this spring like I was hoping to. Instead, I'll be photographing various spring sports and activities. My first two? Boys' Golf and my school's production of Les Miserables.


I hate that I've been running out of things to say lately. I feel awful about it, because it makes me forget to post. My goal is to do at least one a week, but I apologize in advance if I fail at that.

Hey! Here's something fun for you to do! How bout (if you want) comment with a list of the good and bad things in your life right now. It'll help you realize how great your life really is...If you think hard, your good things should outweigh your bad. If they don't, I'm sorry that your life sucks that bad.

Paint

I'm getting ready to paint my room. A new color. A new attitude. Old Hollywood theme: Tan walls, deep red accents, with a nice touch of black and white here and there. I think it'll look pretty good. Sometimes I wish I could paint over certain parts of my life--cover them up so I never have to see them again. The car accident. The rejection. The heartache.

There's only one problem: when you cover up or shut out bad things, you lose some good. If I block out the car accident, I forget how bad it was and why I'm never going to let it happen again. If I block out the rejection, I forget how much fun I had with my friends that night (without alcohol, drugs, or partying, I might add), and how I was able to put myself outside of my comfort zone and take a risk. If I block out the heartache, I shrink, weaken, lose everything I gained by surviving the pain.

It's a win-lose situation.

I want so badly to be friends with him. We could be the great friends who go golfing together. Who make fun of the idiots at school. (I know, I know. So mean of me. Deal with it.) Who just hang out and have funny, interesting moments together. This is all probably sounding a bit cheesey, which just goes to show that I watch way too many teen-flick movies. I'm exhausted though! I either want him to say that we have no chance at a friendship or want him to just let us be friends. It's not like we actually dated or anything! Why is this so hard?!

Let's not be depressing anymore!! Smile time!

When I say this, know that I am not joking. I have just sat in the same spot for 15 minutes trying to think of something else to say, but I got nothing. So, on that note, I hope you have a good day full of smiles and uplifting things.

Spring Break

Good News: I'm positive that I'm over him! How do I know this? I sent out a mass text to my English class telling them that a reading assignment was postponed (in a way). He was one of three people to text back, and the other two were my best friends....anyways, when he texted back, we started talking, and I felt absolutely nothing. NOTHING! It was great. I do think, howwever, that we could be really good friends. If only he'll get to know me.

I love love love love love love sleeping in!!! And i'll get to every single day this week! WHO'S EXCITED?! I'M EXCITED!!!! hahahaha yeah! And i've been awfully giggly. And i'm pretty hyper, which is why you'll notice my grammar and punctuation S-U-C-K in this post! Pfft, my english teacher won't be reading this, so I don't care!

ROCK CHALK, JAYHAWK! KU beat Texas A&M last night. mwhahahaha! Stick that in your juice box and suck it, Mark Turgeon!! Kansas (including WSU) will always be better whether you like it or not!

But Notre Dame lost.... :(((( sad sad. Oh well, it happens.

Nothing much else to say! Have a fantastic Spring Break, everyone!

Rain

It's raining. I love the rain. It makes me feel at ease. When I was little, my mom always told me that the rain is God's tears. When it rains, I suppose I feel like God is crying my pain away. It feels really....comforting.

I was looking up at the sky and that put a lot into perspective: there are 6,000,000,000 people on this Earth. Why am I complaining about my problems? If there are that many people, then there are billions whose problems are much worse than mine. My major problems are my fault: boys (partially my fault), irritating people (my fault for finding them irritating), and school (my fault for signing up for all honors classes).

Addressing each:

Boys. I'm sad to say that a lot of my grief is because of boys. I hate that it is. While I was looking at the sky, it dawned on me: maybe the person I'm going to spend my life with is looking up at the sky too at this very moment. Maybe he's thinking the same thing I am right now. What if? How cool would that be?
Then, thinking that, I realized that I don't need to be accepted by everyone. And I sure as heck don't need to make (all) boys like me. Who cares if they do or not?! The person I'm going to spend the rest of my life with is out there somewhere, and he's going to accept me for everything I am and everything that I'm not. Take that, broken heart and mixed emotions!

Irritating people. I find a lot of people irritating. Obnoxious. Annoying. Whatever word you want to use, it's fine with me. I'm a relatively tolerant person. I easily find people to be annoying, BUT I put up with them. I don't tell them that they annoy me. I really need to work on that. Not telling people that they annoy me; rather, finding the good things about them instead of noticing only the annoying little habits.

School. I hate that word. The only reason I put up with going everyday is to get in to a good college *cough* Notre Dame *cough*, and it lets me see my friends on a regular basis, which is always nice. I have nothing else to say about school. The only way to eliminate this problem is to either drop out, or tolerate it until I graduate college. I'm going to have to tolerate it.

The rain is slowly coming to a halt. Maybe this means that tomorrow, my problems will be much less than they've ever been since God's washing them away. It's relieving.

But... it's late. And I should be going to bed. Keyword: should. Doesn't mean I'm going to. I'm going to let the sound of the rain lull me off to sleep while I think of only happy things.

The Oscars

My title for this particular post doesn't really have much meaning. I'm watching the Oscars as I'm writing this, but other than that, there's not significance to the title. I'll give this post a bit of a movie theme:

You know what's great? When you're such a great writer that your English teacher asks you if you had any help writing a paper. Yep. It happened to me. Here's a script:

Teacher: And, Anna! You had an amazing paper! It was almost perfect! Did you have any help writing that?
Me: No. I did it all by myself.... I wouldn't cheat.
Teacher: Are you in journalism?
Me: No.
Teacher: Well you're a very good natural writer. It's defnitely your forte.
Me: Well thank you. *smile*

It was hilarious and I felt amazing. I'm not in journalism. I'm in photography. That's a pretty big difference. However, I enjoy writing. I've had quite a few people tell me to take journalism, but I'm too lazy to take the class. If I could skip it and go straight to being a staffer, I would in a split second--without a doubt.

Mmmm.....what else...??

I can't think of very much. OH! *Movie critic attitude*

I saw Alice In Wonderland today. The visuals were fantastic, the acting was good, but the storyline was a bit dull. Throughout the movie, I kept thinking, "I swear I've seen this before," and then I realized: in a way, I have. It was very similar to the Chronicals of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe. They both contain a girl (or boys and girls) going to a fictional world that they don't recall ever going to before, but everyone knows who they are and have been waiting. They then befriend the enemy, betray the enemy, and fight... and win. It's all very similar. Tim Burton, however, is one of my favorite directors. His movies always captivate me. I'm sure it would've been much more visually appealing in 3-D. (I saw it in 2-D.) Overall, if I had to rate it using a grading scale, I'd give it a B. 'Nuff said.

I'm out of stuff to say for now. I'll keep you updated though. Good night, sleep tight, and keep viewing films, because they're the reason amazing things such as the Oscars exist.

Don't Worry, Be Happy.

I remember that in an earlier post, I had said that things were bad, but they would only get better from there. Good news: They got better.

The weather has been amazing!! It is 59 degrees out and beautiful! I'm loving it!

I can't help but smile right now. If you can tell me why, that would be great, but I don't care why. I'm happy. That's all that matters to me.

I'm not worrying about anything right now. Not "Buddy", not grades (I raised all but one to A's! This is amazing for me!), not anything! Life is blissful as of this moment.

I don't have a whole lot to talk about. I really don't. I feel bad about it too because this is the first time I've posted in a while, but you'll just have to smile and get over it ;)

I'm going to continue pursuing happiness this year. I hope you do too. Spring always seems to be my lucky season.

Arsenic

I am so jealous of the girls who think, "eh. I don't need a guy yet. There's not reason to fret over them." Why am I so jealous? Because I can't stop thinking about him. You know what? I've been calling him "the guy" and "____". I should just give him a nickname. How about "Buddy"?

I can't stop thinking about Buddy. Yes, he's the one I'm trying to get over. I think I might be taking steps backwards....I was getting so far. And then this. I find myself wondering about every little thing he does (again). Examples?

I'm catching him looking straight at me every few minutes in class. Does that mean he likes me? Or do I have something in my teeth or on my face?
Is he one of those guys who doesn't want people to know he likes me so he's very subtle about it all?
Is he reluctant to talk to me because he's afraid of embarrassing himself? Or does he just have no interest whatsoever in talking to me?

There are more. I can't think of them this instant. (Wow. I'm watching the ice skating on the Olympics. How do they do that?! I can barely walk on the ice without breaking something! Sorry. Random. Back to the point.)

There are little things that make me think that he might like me. But then I see him around other girls and wonder if he likes them instead. Am I being paranoid? Maybe. Hopefully, because if I'm not, he has no interest in me.

What are those little things that put that "he might like me" thought into my head? Well, here we go:
I constantly catch him looking at me in class. Usually it's when I'm laughing about something or talking to my friends. (Does that mean I have a pretty smile? I dunno...)
He talked to me the day after he rejected me. I've pointed this one out before, but it's a big one. If he didn't like me, wouldn't he avoid talking to me? Especially after something like that.

Well... I guess there are only two little things.... p-a-t-h-e-t-i-c! but he doesn't exactly come across as one of those guys who has some burning desire to make his emotions and feelings known. GRRRR!! I'm so confused.

I'm going to give myself some advice:
"Anna, CARPE DIEM!! Don't worry about this one guy! You might miss another guy who really likes you and is really trying to let you know!! CARPE DIEM!!"

Now all I have to do is tell myself that on a regular basis.

That might mean every day.
Maybe every hour.
Maybe every 5 minutes.
Maybe even constantly.

You know what? We'll say it's whenever I need a self-esteem boost. ;) Feel free to replace my name with yours if you need to. I don't think pep talks can be copyrighted, can they? Nah! Who am I kidding?

Well, Buddy, here's to you. You're killing me slowly from the inside out. If I could give you a superhero name, it'd be Arsenic Boy: killing Anna since September 2009. If you like any other girls, then go for it. What's stopping you? Stop making me hold onto these stupid little things that give me the slightest sense of hope.

Pretty, pretty please. With a cherry on top. Hold the arsenic.

"The little things you do to me are taking me over. I wanna show ya. Everything inside of me like a nervous heart that is crazy beating."~~ The Little Things by Colbie Caillat

Dear Reader

Dear Reader,

I'm getting closer and closer to my goal every day. It's really nice. Now I get to help some of my friends do the same. I'm playing the therapist. Just call me Charlie Bartlett.

It's funny though. My friends can see me dating the guy I'm getting over (or so I'm assuming). How do I know this? I got a text forward that read something along the lines of, "FWD: If you saw me in 7 yrs with a wedding ring, who do you think i'd be married to?" I forwarded it just for kicks. They all replied either Brett Favre or some other football player (which is nice. I like the football men.) or they replied his name. And then I got one of my guy friends who I could never ever see myself with... which was weird and unnerving. But that's beside the point.

I also realized recently that I need to get more guy friends. I have plenty guy acquaintances, but you don't hang out with acquaintances. I need to start hanging out with these people. I have been pulling all of my inspiration in my latest endeavors from the world's greatest TV show: Gilmore Girls. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll laugh till you cry, you'll cry till you laugh. It's great.

Laughter is a powerful tool. It can override any unwanted feeling or emotion. The only thing you can think about when you're laughing is either what you're laughing at or how funny you're best friend's face looks when she's laughing. (Love you girls, but you look hilarious when you laugh.) Every time I laugh, I forget about every little bad thing: boys, homework, annoying little sisters, etc.

That's all the inspiration I have for you now. But here's an attempt to make you laugh:

What word in the dictionary is spelled incorrectly?
INCORRECTLY! HAHAHA!

Terribly cheesy, I know, but cheesy jokes are the best. Admit it. I know you know it's true.

Keep laughing and living happily.

Sincerely,
Anna

What a Mess!

Sorry that I haven't posted in a while. It's been a pretty busy February for me. Today is Ash Wednesday, which means I have to fast and for the next 40 days of my life, I will be eating no junk food!! NONE!! That means no candy, chips, soday, popcorn, cake..... pretty much anything sweet or abnormally salty. I will be living on fruit, salads, and turkey sandwiches. How do you like them apples? (No pun intended.)

I have 17 mintues to kill before I leave for school. Lucky for you, I had enough time to get on and make a post. So here we are.... what's new with me?

I think I'm finally getting over him. Does it mean I'm getting over him if he seems to show up everywhere I go? Or that instead of thinking his little antics in class are hilarious, I think they're just annoying? I also don't get nervous around him anymore... this is good. It's making me sad though. Just a little bit. Having a crush is kinda fun at the same time as it is painful. It makes you look forward to something; makes you hopeful. I still have things to be hopeful for, but nothing like this.

I keep asking myself why I was so reluctant to get over him in the first place. Then it hit me...like a car accident. (It's been long enough for me to turn the event of my rear-ending into a joke.) I was so reluctant to stop liking him because I thought, "If I get over him, and then find out he likes me back, that's a huge mess. Maybe I'd have to let him down like he let me down." But at the same time I wanted to get over him because I thought, "If he doesn't like me, I'm holding onto false hopes and just putting myself through pain."

Life is messy. Don't you think so?

Well it's about time for me to head out, so I'll try to keep up with these posts and not let my messy life interfere.

Have a fantastic day!

Half Day

What's better than a noon dismissal from school? Having no school at all is better, but other than that, I can't think of much else. I went out to lunch with my friend and a bunch of guys in my class (and one junior). It was a ton of fun! I enjoyed it so much! We had a snowball fight as we were leaving. It was great!

....then I found out some stuff I didn't want to hear. pfft. Showtunes and chocolate!! I'm serious! This stuff works! I don't have chocolate, so oreos will have to suffice. ;) nom nom.

Tomorrow night, I have to go photograph the dance that I asked ___ to. Yeah. That'll be fun. MAH! I don't want to! I would so much rather go see a movie or go to the mall! WHY ME?!

Once again, O well. These things happen. I just have to take everything one blow at a time. (haha. that sounds dirty.) I don't have a whole lot to say..... what is going on with me? Usually I have everything to rant about!

Actually.... there is something I could rant about, but there's a lot of background info and explaining that I can't exactly type into one post, so I'm going to have to keep that to myself. Sorry. I'm leaving you out.

Basketball game vs. our school's biggest rival tonight. I'm excited. I have to drive 30 minutes to get there though... bleh.

And, one more time: Oh well!

Oh! Also, I got a haircut! Just thought you might like to know. ;)

Holy Dang....

Bad year so far. How about yours? I sure hope you're having a good start to the new decade. I wish I could say the same for myself. Please don't pity me. My year stinks because of me. It's my fault. But here's the bright side: It can only get better! Or worse, and then better. My point is that eventually, it's all going to get better.

Here's what's gone wrong:

1. He said no. I asked him to the Sadie Hawkins, and he said no. Damn.
2. I wrecked a car. Damner.
3. The world keeps throwing those two things in my face. It's like the world is yelling, "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! YOU FAIL AT LIFE!!!!!"

So....he said no. I'll get over him, right? Wrong. Maybe. Hopefully. If I ever do, I doubt it'll be anytime soon. And, I realized, Valentine's Day is coming up. O Joy! Everyone is going to be happy and in love and I'm going to be slumming around at home thinking, "He said no. How could he say no? Everyone thinks we would be perfect!" Oh well. Don't pity me. I don't deserve it. Be harsh. If you're harsh, I'm more likely to get over him faster. .....

....but I really, really like him. Holy Dang.

Today on my ride home, I got asked by the senior driving me home (she's really nice by the way) if I had asked anyone to sweetheart. I said yes. Then she said, "And that would be whom?" And I hesitantly told her. Why so hesitant? Her little brother, one of his friends, was in the car. That guy and I decided to keep it low profile. I don't think he told anyone though. Not a single person. That made it hard to say his name in a car with his friend and other people. But I said it. That senior says, "OOOH! How cute!" to which I replied, "Just one problem--he said no." She turns around and looks at her brother (we were at a stoplight, don't worry) and she yells, "WHY DID HE SAY NO?!" and her brother has a look of horrible confusion on his face, so I'm pretty sure he was never told....

That was awkward. Three more people know. One more is mad at him. Uh oh. I'm in trouble.... eh. Probably not. Who am I kidding? Guys don't talk. He'll never find out.

Today wasn't too eventful. I went to school, I came home, etc. Y'all know the drill. Well, I'm off to go do some more HomeWHAT?!, Ramble to my friends, and I'm hitting the showtunes and chocolate.

**See what I just did there? I turned my other post titles into part of my current post. You better have laughed. Have a good year.

"Up, Up, Up! Can only go up from here! Up, Up! Up where the clouds gonna clear! Up, Up! There's nowhere but up from here!"~~Shania Twain

Crush

CAUTION: I've done no surveys, polls, or interviews on this subject. I am not certified in any official way to be writing about this subject. The only research I've done is going to school, socializing, and observing.

Being a teenager, I know how it feels to want what isn't attainable.
Girls, we all thing that the 1st String QB is H-O-T! HOT! He probably has girls lining up at his feet to wash his socks! (I apologize for the over-exaggeration.)
Boys, we all know that most of you want one thing, and, sadly, a few of you will get it. (Please don't jump out of your chairs to get on your knees and pray that you'll be one of the "lucky" few. Emphasis on the quotes. If you could see me saying this, you'd be overwhelmed by the immense air quotes. Those boys aren't lucky.)
Both genders, we all have crushes at some point in our lives. If you don't, I'm going to have to doubt your humanity.

I have a crush. (Loyal readers, I'm sorry that you have to keep hearing this over and over again. New readers, I'm sure that's no shock to you.) It's involuntary. Time and time again, I tell myself that I don't want to like him anymore. My mind is battling itself. I don't know what I want, and it's a horrible feeling! I did realize, however, that my odds are higher in the "get hurt" category than in the "get it all" category. Why can't I just snap my fingers and be done with this? Wouldn't life be so much nicer if it were that simple? Yes, it would; but as my math teacher once said: "Simple is not the same as easy." If getting over someone were that simple, life would probably get harder. Yes, we'd get over people as we pleased, but that would leave more time for another crush to sink in. Then another. And another. Get what I'm saying?

The biggest mistake made by love-struck teenagers is telling their secrets. There's always that one girl who blabs every secret as soon as she finds out about them. Why do we tell? Here's my theory: Deep down inside of us, no matter how much we may deny it, we are desperate for our crush to find out. We think, "Maybe if he finds out, he'll like me back....and then we'll get married and have four beautiful kids......." No. Don't even go there. Please, for all our sakes, and especially your own, don't go there.

CONFESSION: I do want him to know. If he knows, I'll be able to talk to him and we can sort this out. I can say, "______, do you like me at all? I need to know, because if you don't, I need to figure out how to get over you; but if you do, then maybe we can make this work. Or we can just be friends." I have a feeling that if he were to read this, he'd realize that I'm talking about him.

I'm talking about you, _______. By the way, feel free to text me. I'm pretty sure I'm not busy. Never am. ;)

If he reads this, my life as I know it will be over. It will either change for the better or for the worse..... I'm hoping it's for the better.

A.R.: Thank you for reading this. You're a great friend. You really are. Can you tell now that when I say that I know how you feel that I mean what I'm saying? You're not alone and you know that you can always come to me. I may not be able to give you much advice, but I do know that venting feels really good. Go for it.

E.W.: I know you're reading this. You read all my posts, which makes me feel awesome! Thanks for following and actually reading this blog! You rock! (P.S. ROCK CHALK, JAYHAWK!)

_._.: You should feel really powerful, because you have more power over me than you even know. Lucky. You may already know that I like you, but just in case, I really do. You're hilarious, intelligent, and the sweetest guy I've ever met. Also, I think you're pretty dang cute, which is definitely a perk! All my friends say that they could see us together, and I could too. Please, just take time to try to realize the same. If you can't, please tell me so I'm not hanging onto false hopes.

"If you'd just realize what I just realized: That we'd be perfect for each other and we'll never find another. Just realize what I just realized: We'd never have to wonder if we missed out on each other now."~~Colbie Caillat

I didn't proofread this post, so if there're any errors... MY BAD! It's also late. 11:59. I better post this so it says I posted it today and not tomorrow, which starts in a minute. Posting now. Thanks for reading.

Have a good night/day (depends on when you're reading this), everyone.

Head Cold

I woke up this morning with a head cold. Sore throat, congested sinuses, runny nose, the whole enchilada. And lemme tell you: it's not fun. But today, I realized more so than ever, that laughing makes all bad things go away for just a little while. I also heard that every time you laugh, you add 7 seconds onto your life. Pretty cool, huh?

I've laughed at a ton of things today. In my Spanish class, though, I was pretty loopy. I couldn't stop giggling, and I don't even know what I was laughing at. The class after that, English, was a lot of fun too. I laughed a lot today, which felt good. It made my cold go away for the little amount of time I was laughing.

Today was a valuable lesson. When we're going through something tough, we need to look at only the good things. If we do, the bad things won't be able to ruin our day. We'd have a good day. Every day. I try to make every day enjoyable, but it's tough.

I think I'm going to go to bed early tonight. Try to sleep off this cold. I'm hoping that I'll wake up well-rested ready for another day of laughter and happiness.

Mixing It Up

I just noticed how long my previous posts have been, so just to mix things up, here's a short post.

Hi.

Have a good day/evening/night!

Bye!

Here Goes....

So I'm sitting in my photography class. We're not doing much, so I decided to log on and make a post. I don't have a whole lot to talk about, but here goes....

I have dared myself to smile at the guy I like whenever he looks at me. If you've read my previous posts, you would know that whenever we make eye contact, it isn't for very long. I'm going to change that. "If you want something done right, you've got to do it yourself." I can't leave this up to him.

Let's see... What else?

As people are finding out about my car accident, I keep hearing, "Ooh! Fail!" That's not very encouraging, but then I remember that this kind of thing happens to everyone, and I'll get over it in time.... so to those of you who yelled, "Fail!" in my face, I'm waiting for the same to happen to you...

...Just kidding. I don't want this to happen to anyone else, but if it does happen to you, all I have to say is, "HAHA!"

Basically, that's all I have to say. There's not much to talk about.

OH! Just remembered: The other day, I was trying to remember every second of the accident. Someone asked me if I saw my life flash before my eyes. I didn't. Does this mean I have no life? I think that was God's way of slapping me in the face to say, "Get a life, Anna!!" Time to go get a life. I've got some changes to make.... Here goes....

2 Seconds

Last evening, at about 6:30, I was in a car accident. It was my fault. I feel like crap both emotionally and physically. No one was injured, and the car is still drivable, but it doesn't look so hunky-dory. I think this is a good and bad thing. Here's why:

Good:

• I can now be an advocate against distracted driving from a first-hand experience.
• I've dealt with the consequences and now I know that there's a lot in the world I can deal with.
• I do not lose my license. *phew*
• My sister won't be sitting in the front seat for a really long while.... she learned her lesson the hard way.
• This experience will actually make me a better driver. That's never a bad thing.
• It makes for a great story, and maybe I'll over-exaggerate a little, just to sound more tough/hard-core.

Bad:

• I am in immense pain. Nothing's broken, but a lot is bruised. My neck hurts from the whiplash, my back from only God knows what, my thigh from hitting the wheel, my chest from the airbag, my elbow from hitting the window... et cetera, et cetera....
• I have no car to drive until we either get this one repaired (unlikely) or get a new one.
• I'm going to have to deal with people's questions. 'Nuff said.
• I might get a ticket for distracted driving. Super.
• The recurring image of the accident is not a fun one. I'm never EVER going to forget this.

I have great friends. The news spreads fast, and I keep getting texts saying "OMG! ARE YOU OKAY?!" and I just reply, "Yeah. I'm fine. No one was hurt. It's still kinda tough to talk about, so I'll tell you more later."

That's what I'm going to say here. It is still hard to talk about. It's going to be a while before I look back on this and just say, "Huh. Oh Well. It happened." I do hear that everyone will be involved in an accident at least once in their lifetime. I've had my experience with it, and I hope this is the only one, and I'm eternally grateful that there were zero injuries. I owe God a lot of prayers tonight and for the rest of my life. He's the bomb. ;)

God, You ROCK!! and I apologize for cussing....a car accident isn't exactly a situation for "Darn it!" or "Shucks!" Sorry.

Readers, don't drive distracted. It took two seconds of not looking at the road to change everything. You may think that you can text while driving as long as your peripheral is okay... You can't. Sorry. That's the truth. Don't do it. I'm trying to let you learn the easy way rather than the hard way like I did. (I wasn't texting, by the way.)

God Bless and Good Luck!

Drive Safe.

Snow Day!

So... let's see. My posts go from Superpower to Ramble to Showtunes and Chocolate to Homework and now to Snow Day. I'm a very random writer, but I have a lot on my mind. I'm letting you, reader, into my world. You are priveleged.

This morning, I woke up at 6:00 expecting to go through the same routine. I went downstairs, sat on the couch, and watched the news. I don't normally watch, but it's been snowing here in South Central Kansas, and I'd heard rumors that today might be a snow day. So I'm sitting on the couch next to my mom. I doze off a couple times, and then I hear my mom say, "Ope. There it is. 'Wichita Catholic Schools..... Cancelled'." I should've been really happy. But I wasn't. I went back to bed and wondered how I could be resentful that we didn't have school. What is going on with me?

Is it because without school I'd have to spend the whole day around my two annoying little sisters? Is it because without school I wouldn't get to see my friends? It is because I wouldn't have anything to do all day? Is it because I wouldn't get to see the guy I like? (Cheesy, I know, but I think just seeing his face every day makes me happy.) I should be happy! I don't get more homework! I've got a whole day to lay around! I don't have to think about anything today!!

Snow days are great. We rarely ever get them. It's still snowing as I'm typing. It's snowing pretty hard too. The snow looks nice, but then I realize that in a few days, it's going to look disgusting. It will turn brown and lumpy on the side of the road, my sister's footprints will have marked it all up, and I won't like it anymore.

Nevertheless, I've heard that good things always happen when it snows. What good thing will happen today? It must be an unbelieveably good thing, because it is snowing hard! We've already got 4+ inches and it's still going.... if nothing good happens, then I'm just going to have to wait for the next good snow....

I'll be here. Waiting. Hoping. I've got lots of expectations and hopes. Maybe today is the day that some of them will become realities. But no worries--I've still got fourteen hours for something to happen....


"No comment."~~Thousands of celebrities and politicians throughout the history of the Media.

HomeWHAT?!

Homework. That one (compound) word sends all of teen America into instant depression and cynicism. I know, teachers, that you have to assign it so that we learn what's being taught in class, but really? What's with this overload? I hope you realize that most of us students have 6 or 7 other teachers who also assign homework. And we have personal lives. Home lives. Work Lives. Our worlds cannot revolve around the existence of homework.

Some homework I'm not completely opposed to. As you can probably tell by simply reading this blog, I enjoy creative writing. When I'm assigned an essay that deals with my opinion or making something up off the top of my head, I'll dive into it like fish into water! But when I'm assigned something horribly extensive ("Read 100 pages of this brain-numbing novel by tomorrow" or "Do numbers 1-45 in the book and don't forget to graph every problem!") I want to curl up and die.

That's an over-exaggeration. I don't want to die. I do, however, want the assignment to go far, far away. It's too bad that "My dog ate my homework" has been deemed an inexcusable excuse, otherwise, my dog would get a delicious meal of Anna's personal suffering every night. We'd both be satisfied.

Also, just curious... teachers, do you really enjoy grading these things? If you don't, then why do you give us so much? The more work we get, the more work you get. It's that simple. Make both our lives easier, and just give us less. I'd love to eliminate the entire "homework" concept completely, but that's unreasonable. Don't you agree? Even if it's just deep, down inside? Maybe not. Maybe I'm an over-achiever. Oh well.... I've got my sights set on going to Notre Dame. I'll do whatever I have to in order to get there or at least get accepted.

I love that I'm sitting here ranting about homework and there's a pile of it sitting right next to me. Literally. I should probably get started on that.... and, reader, if you've got homework to do, go do it. Procrastination doesn't have many benefits. No long-lasting benefits at least.

"I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework." ~~Lily Tomlin

Showtunes and Chocolate

Showtunes and chocolate are the perfect cure for the "I'm-so-confused-about-this-guy" funk. If you don't like showtunes, pick your favorite kind of music that's really great to belt out to. I like Chicago.

"Cell Block Tango" is the perfect song for the time when you're thinking: "He's stupid. I don't know why I like/liked him, and he deserves whatever bad things are coming to him."

"Funny Honey" is great for this: "I'm so head-over-heels for him, and he's fantastic! .... wait a mintue.... he just betrayed me. Crap."

Another great Musical to listen to is Wicked.

"I'm Not That Girl" is self-explanatory. Give it a listen, and you'll completely understand.


....Basically all I'm getting at is that most Musicals have at least one great song that you can really relate to. Also, I could talk forever about chocolate. It is a God-send! It also releases endorphins (those little hormones that make you happy). It's a good alternative to cutting, because they do the same thing, but chocolate doesn't damage you physically. :)

Also, I thought you might find this interesting: I caught myself laughing in my sleep last night. I don't remember what was funny enough in my dream to make me laugh, but I was obviously laughing hard enough for it to wake me up. And (ready for a bad pun?) I don't think I can wake up on the wrong side of the bed because my bed is in the corner: there's only one side to wake up on. haha. I'm so funny! *laugh laugh giggle giggle*

I'm in a good mood today. With the way my week shaped out, I would honestly expect myself to be in a crappy mood, but I'm not. I have prayer, confidence, good music, chocolate, my "glass-half-full" attitude, and ESPECIALLY my awesome friends to thank for that. I couldn't have more support! Thank you! I would name names, but I don't know if they're comfortable with that and I don't want to forget to mention anyone, so I'm going to leave this very general.

The following quote explains exactly what has gone on this week with me. I know now just who cared about me enough to break those walls and help me realize all the good in my life. I can't say thank you enough to those friends. You know who you are. ;)

"Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down."~~Anonymous

Ramble

I don't know what I want. But, really, who does? There are so many things going on in my life right now and I'm becoming over-whelmed. I'm going to talk about a few scenarios that are confusing me. Feel free to give your input.

It's been close to a week since I asked a certain guy to my school's Sadie Hawkins. I got a no for an answer, but, believe me, it's much more complicated than that. We started talking. A lot. What does that mean? He's texting me the day after he turned me down... does that mean he likes me, or is he just being nice? It started dying down. We decided to keep the situation on the down low, just between the two of us. We didn't want school to be awkward and I was confident that it wouldn't be. I was wrong. It's pretty awkward. When we make eye contact, it's for a second. Maybe not even that. A couple of my friends say that they really think he likes me, but I'm not so sure about that. I want to talk to him about all this, but I can't be too forward about any of it. It's driving me crazy.

It's time to fill out our schedules for next year. Super. More decisions! I've got pretty much everything sorted out, except for one, little thing. This year I'm in Women's Ensemble. It's a fun class, but it isn't something that I get really excited about. Same with Photography--I really like taking pictures, but I don't think I'm going to stick with it next year. If I tell my mom that I don't want to be in Women's Ensemble, she'll probably give me the, "Anna, I'm so disappointed. I really enjoy listening to your singing, and seeing you perform," look/talk. I don't want to hear that. But I don't think I want to stay in that class. What do I do?! And I don't know what class I'd take in its place. I've got some thinking to do.

Now I'm going to ramble. I've got a lot on my mind that I just have to talk about. I don't care if no one's listening. I just have to say it outloud. I also know that since, if anyone is reading this, it's on a computer screen, and they can't actually hear me, but this is good enough for me.

Dane Cook is probably the best comedian I've ever heard. Yes, he's vulgar and profane, but he speaks the truth! Who says, "Uh... I'm atheist," to "God Bless you" after a sneeze?! REALLY?! I would have to say that one of my favorite of his routines is "We're all gonna cry...". It's so funny because it's so true! Lately I've been feeling that need to really cry more often than usual. I space out in class, I feel like everyone is relying on me for something, and I really just want to be left alone. I don't get the "stobe-like asthmatic pre-cry breaths" though. I just start to tear up, and realize, "Alright. Now. Lock the door, turn up the music. Don't let anyone know." And I cry.

After I cry, I feel really good. I want to go hit some golf balls at the course, run around the block, go to the mall, or hang out with my friends. It feels amazing. And then I remember that crying didn't make my problems go away, and I have to try really hard to hold everything together again.

I'm sorry to whoever's reading this. You have to hear my petty complaints. Take something out of this though. If this ever happens to you, just know that you're not alone. I know how you feel. Thank you for reading, and have a good, tearless day. :)

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often
we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been
opened for us." ~~Helen Keller

Superpower!!

I've heard a million and one people tell me to "life life without regrets". Not only is that just short of impossible to do, but also, I find no purpose to it. Regrets can also be called mistakes. We do stuff we shouldn't have. We look back and feel that knot of guilt in our stomach. I am a firm believer in the fact that all humans--excuse me-- most humans learn from their mistakes. If we live life without regrets, we'll keep making the same mistakes over and over again. But sometimes there are things that we must face without regrets, no matter what our gut may tell us to do.

I'm almost positive that if I could choose any superpower, I would choose the power to read minds. There are only a few conditions to this mind-reading power though: 1) I could only read minds when it would help me acheive a goal, fix a problem, or find happiness; 2) I could decide who's mind I wanted to read. (We all have those people in our lives who's thought process we don't want to know about.); and 3) I would be able to accept every little thing anyone thought whether it was good or bad; whether I wanted to know it or not. I'm sure you're wondering why I would read minds? Why not fly or be able to become invisible? I would want to read minds because it would make my life so much easier. I would be more at ease, more at peace. I would be able to be more comfortable around certain people and maybe they'd be able to be more comfortable around me. **Note: They would have no knowledge of my telekinesis.

Think about it this way: If I could read minds, I could

• Decide who my real friends are


• Find out who really enjoys my company and who just acts like it


• Realize my flaws and maybe work on fixing some of them


• Embrace my identity


• Live life to its fullest


• Enjoy life with its regrets and learn from my mistakes more easily

There are so many things I could do with that power. I would try to avoid abusing the power, because abused telekinesis would be like stalking someone... all the time. No matter where you or they are. It'd be pretty creepy.

I know I'm never going to be able to mind read, but that's probably for the better. Without that power, I can sit in anxiety, be disappointed, or get hurt; but I can also anticipate, be surprised, and enjoy every little moment for everything it is.

"Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight." ~~Benjamin Franklin