It's been close to a week since I asked a certain guy to my school's Sadie Hawkins. I got a no for an answer, but, believe me, it's much more complicated than that. We started talking. A lot. What does that mean? He's texting me the day after he turned me down... does that mean he likes me, or is he just being nice? It started dying down. We decided to keep the situation on the down low, just between the two of us. We didn't want school to be awkward and I was confident that it wouldn't be. I was wrong. It's pretty awkward. When we make eye contact, it's for a second. Maybe not even that. A couple of my friends say that they really think he likes me, but I'm not so sure about that. I want to talk to him about all this, but I can't be too forward about any of it. It's driving me crazy.
It's time to fill out our schedules for next year. Super. More decisions! I've got pretty much everything sorted out, except for one, little thing. This year I'm in Women's Ensemble. It's a fun class, but it isn't something that I get really excited about. Same with Photography--I really like taking pictures, but I don't think I'm going to stick with it next year. If I tell my mom that I don't want to be in Women's Ensemble, she'll probably give me the, "Anna, I'm so disappointed. I really enjoy listening to your singing, and seeing you perform," look/talk. I don't want to hear that. But I don't think I want to stay in that class. What do I do?! And I don't know what class I'd take in its place. I've got some thinking to do.
Now I'm going to ramble. I've got a lot on my mind that I just have to talk about. I don't care if no one's listening. I just have to say it outloud. I also know that since, if anyone is reading this, it's on a computer screen, and they can't actually hear me, but this is good enough for me.
Dane Cook is probably the best comedian I've ever heard. Yes, he's vulgar and profane, but he speaks the truth! Who says, "Uh... I'm atheist," to "God Bless you" after a sneeze?! REALLY?! I would have to say that one of my favorite of his routines is "We're all gonna cry...". It's so funny because it's so true! Lately I've been feeling that need to really cry more often than usual. I space out in class, I feel like everyone is relying on me for something, and I really just want to be left alone. I don't get the "stobe-like asthmatic pre-cry breaths" though. I just start to tear up, and realize, "Alright. Now. Lock the door, turn up the music. Don't let anyone know." And I cry.
After I cry, I feel really good. I want to go hit some golf balls at the course, run around the block, go to the mall, or hang out with my friends. It feels amazing. And then I remember that crying didn't make my problems go away, and I have to try really hard to hold everything together again.
I'm sorry to whoever's reading this. You have to hear my petty complaints. Take something out of this though. If this ever happens to you, just know that you're not alone. I know how you feel. Thank you for reading, and have a good, tearless day. :)
"When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often
we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been
opened for us." ~~Helen Keller