I am so jealous of the girls who think, "eh. I don't need a guy yet. There's not reason to fret over them." Why am I so jealous? Because I can't stop thinking about him. You know what? I've been calling him "the guy" and "____". I should just give him a nickname. How about "Buddy"?

I can't stop thinking about Buddy. Yes, he's the one I'm trying to get over. I think I might be taking steps backwards....I was getting so far. And then this. I find myself wondering about every little thing he does (again). Examples?

I'm catching him looking straight at me every few minutes in class. Does that mean he likes me? Or do I have something in my teeth or on my face?
Is he one of those guys who doesn't want people to know he likes me so he's very subtle about it all?
Is he reluctant to talk to me because he's afraid of embarrassing himself? Or does he just have no interest whatsoever in talking to me?

There are more. I can't think of them this instant. (Wow. I'm watching the ice skating on the Olympics. How do they do that?! I can barely walk on the ice without breaking something! Sorry. Random. Back to the point.)

There are little things that make me think that he might like me. But then I see him around other girls and wonder if he likes them instead. Am I being paranoid? Maybe. Hopefully, because if I'm not, he has no interest in me.

What are those little things that put that "he might like me" thought into my head? Well, here we go:
I constantly catch him looking at me in class. Usually it's when I'm laughing about something or talking to my friends. (Does that mean I have a pretty smile? I dunno...)
He talked to me the day after he rejected me. I've pointed this one out before, but it's a big one. If he didn't like me, wouldn't he avoid talking to me? Especially after something like that.

Well... I guess there are only two little things.... p-a-t-h-e-t-i-c! but he doesn't exactly come across as one of those guys who has some burning desire to make his emotions and feelings known. GRRRR!! I'm so confused.

I'm going to give myself some advice:
"Anna, CARPE DIEM!! Don't worry about this one guy! You might miss another guy who really likes you and is really trying to let you know!! CARPE DIEM!!"

Now all I have to do is tell myself that on a regular basis.

That might mean every day.
Maybe every hour.
Maybe every 5 minutes.
Maybe even constantly.

You know what? We'll say it's whenever I need a self-esteem boost. ;) Feel free to replace my name with yours if you need to. I don't think pep talks can be copyrighted, can they? Nah! Who am I kidding?

Well, Buddy, here's to you. You're killing me slowly from the inside out. If I could give you a superhero name, it'd be Arsenic Boy: killing Anna since September 2009. If you like any other girls, then go for it. What's stopping you? Stop making me hold onto these stupid little things that give me the slightest sense of hope.

Pretty, pretty please. With a cherry on top. Hold the arsenic.

"The little things you do to me are taking me over. I wanna show ya. Everything inside of me like a nervous heart that is crazy beating."~~ The Little Things by Colbie Caillat


Dear Reader

Dear Reader,

I'm getting closer and closer to my goal every day. It's really nice. Now I get to help some of my friends do the same. I'm playing the therapist. Just call me Charlie Bartlett.

It's funny though. My friends can see me dating the guy I'm getting over (or so I'm assuming). How do I know this? I got a text forward that read something along the lines of, "FWD: If you saw me in 7 yrs with a wedding ring, who do you think i'd be married to?" I forwarded it just for kicks. They all replied either Brett Favre or some other football player (which is nice. I like the football men.) or they replied his name. And then I got one of my guy friends who I could never ever see myself with... which was weird and unnerving. But that's beside the point.

I also realized recently that I need to get more guy friends. I have plenty guy acquaintances, but you don't hang out with acquaintances. I need to start hanging out with these people. I have been pulling all of my inspiration in my latest endeavors from the world's greatest TV show: Gilmore Girls. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll laugh till you cry, you'll cry till you laugh. It's great.

Laughter is a powerful tool. It can override any unwanted feeling or emotion. The only thing you can think about when you're laughing is either what you're laughing at or how funny you're best friend's face looks when she's laughing. (Love you girls, but you look hilarious when you laugh.) Every time I laugh, I forget about every little bad thing: boys, homework, annoying little sisters, etc.

That's all the inspiration I have for you now. But here's an attempt to make you laugh:

What word in the dictionary is spelled incorrectly?

Terribly cheesy, I know, but cheesy jokes are the best. Admit it. I know you know it's true.

Keep laughing and living happily.



What a Mess!

Sorry that I haven't posted in a while. It's been a pretty busy February for me. Today is Ash Wednesday, which means I have to fast and for the next 40 days of my life, I will be eating no junk food!! NONE!! That means no candy, chips, soday, popcorn, cake..... pretty much anything sweet or abnormally salty. I will be living on fruit, salads, and turkey sandwiches. How do you like them apples? (No pun intended.)

I have 17 mintues to kill before I leave for school. Lucky for you, I had enough time to get on and make a post. So here we are.... what's new with me?

I think I'm finally getting over him. Does it mean I'm getting over him if he seems to show up everywhere I go? Or that instead of thinking his little antics in class are hilarious, I think they're just annoying? I also don't get nervous around him anymore... this is good. It's making me sad though. Just a little bit. Having a crush is kinda fun at the same time as it is painful. It makes you look forward to something; makes you hopeful. I still have things to be hopeful for, but nothing like this.

I keep asking myself why I was so reluctant to get over him in the first place. Then it hit me...like a car accident. (It's been long enough for me to turn the event of my rear-ending into a joke.) I was so reluctant to stop liking him because I thought, "If I get over him, and then find out he likes me back, that's a huge mess. Maybe I'd have to let him down like he let me down." But at the same time I wanted to get over him because I thought, "If he doesn't like me, I'm holding onto false hopes and just putting myself through pain."

Life is messy. Don't you think so?

Well it's about time for me to head out, so I'll try to keep up with these posts and not let my messy life interfere.

Have a fantastic day!


Half Day

What's better than a noon dismissal from school? Having no school at all is better, but other than that, I can't think of much else. I went out to lunch with my friend and a bunch of guys in my class (and one junior). It was a ton of fun! I enjoyed it so much! We had a snowball fight as we were leaving. It was great!

....then I found out some stuff I didn't want to hear. pfft. Showtunes and chocolate!! I'm serious! This stuff works! I don't have chocolate, so oreos will have to suffice. ;) nom nom.

Tomorrow night, I have to go photograph the dance that I asked ___ to. Yeah. That'll be fun. MAH! I don't want to! I would so much rather go see a movie or go to the mall! WHY ME?!

Once again, O well. These things happen. I just have to take everything one blow at a time. (haha. that sounds dirty.) I don't have a whole lot to say..... what is going on with me? Usually I have everything to rant about!

Actually.... there is something I could rant about, but there's a lot of background info and explaining that I can't exactly type into one post, so I'm going to have to keep that to myself. Sorry. I'm leaving you out.

Basketball game vs. our school's biggest rival tonight. I'm excited. I have to drive 30 minutes to get there though... bleh.

And, one more time: Oh well!

Oh! Also, I got a haircut! Just thought you might like to know. ;)


Holy Dang....

Bad year so far. How about yours? I sure hope you're having a good start to the new decade. I wish I could say the same for myself. Please don't pity me. My year stinks because of me. It's my fault. But here's the bright side: It can only get better! Or worse, and then better. My point is that eventually, it's all going to get better.

Here's what's gone wrong:

  1. He said no. I asked him to the Sadie Hawkins, and he said no. Damn.
  2. I wrecked a car. Damner.
  3. The world keeps throwing those two things in my face. It's like the world is yelling, "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! YOU FAIL AT LIFE!!!!!"

So....he said no. I'll get over him, right? Wrong. Maybe. Hopefully. If I ever do, I doubt it'll be anytime soon. And, I realized, Valentine's Day is coming up. O Joy! Everyone is going to be happy and in love and I'm going to be slumming around at home thinking, "He said no. How could he say no? Everyone thinks we would be perfect!" Oh well. Don't pity me. I don't deserve it. Be harsh. If you're harsh, I'm more likely to get over him faster. .....

....but I really, really like him. Holy Dang.

Today on my ride home, I got asked by the senior driving me home (she's really nice by the way) if I had asked anyone to sweetheart. I said yes. Then she said, "And that would be whom?" And I hesitantly told her. Why so hesitant? Her little brother, one of his friends, was in the car. That guy and I decided to keep it low profile. I don't think he told anyone though. Not a single person. That made it hard to say his name in a car with his friend and other people. But I said it. That senior says, "OOOH! How cute!" to which I replied, "Just one problem--he said no." She turns around and looks at her brother (we were at a stoplight, don't worry) and she yells, "WHY DID HE SAY NO?!" and her brother has a look of horrible confusion on his face, so I'm pretty sure he was never told....

That was awkward. Three more people know. One more is mad at him. Uh oh. I'm in trouble.... eh. Probably not. Who am I kidding? Guys don't talk. He'll never find out.

Today wasn't too eventful. I went to school, I came home, etc. Y'all know the drill. Well, I'm off to go do some more HomeWHAT?!, Ramble to my friends, and I'm hitting the showtunes and chocolate.

**See what I just did there? I turned my other post titles into part of my current post. You better have laughed. Have a good year.

"Up, Up, Up! Can only go up from here! Up, Up! Up where the clouds gonna clear! Up, Up! There's nowhere but up from here!"~~Shania Twain



CAUTION: I've done no surveys, polls, or interviews on this subject. I am not certified in any official way to be writing about this subject. The only research I've done is going to school, socializing, and observing.

Being a teenager, I know how it feels to want what isn't attainable.
Girls, we all thing that the 1st String QB is H-O-T! HOT! He probably has girls lining up at his feet to wash his socks! (I apologize for the over-exaggeration.)
Boys, we all know that most of you want one thing, and, sadly, a few of you will get it. (Please don't jump out of your chairs to get on your knees and pray that you'll be one of the "lucky" few. Emphasis on the quotes. If you could see me saying this, you'd be overwhelmed by the immense air quotes. Those boys aren't lucky.)
Both genders, we all have crushes at some point in our lives. If you don't, I'm going to have to doubt your humanity.

I have a crush. (Loyal readers, I'm sorry that you have to keep hearing this over and over again. New readers, I'm sure that's no shock to you.) It's involuntary. Time and time again, I tell myself that I don't want to like him anymore. My mind is battling itself. I don't know what I want, and it's a horrible feeling! I did realize, however, that my odds are higher in the "get hurt" category than in the "get it all" category. Why can't I just snap my fingers and be done with this? Wouldn't life be so much nicer if it were that simple? Yes, it would; but as my math teacher once said: "Simple is not the same as easy." If getting over someone were that simple, life would probably get harder. Yes, we'd get over people as we pleased, but that would leave more time for another crush to sink in. Then another. And another. Get what I'm saying?

The biggest mistake made by love-struck teenagers is telling their secrets. There's always that one girl who blabs every secret as soon as she finds out about them. Why do we tell? Here's my theory: Deep down inside of us, no matter how much we may deny it, we are desperate for our crush to find out. We think, "Maybe if he finds out, he'll like me back....and then we'll get married and have four beautiful kids......." No. Don't even go there. Please, for all our sakes, and especially your own, don't go there.

CONFESSION: I do want him to know. If he knows, I'll be able to talk to him and we can sort this out. I can say, "______, do you like me at all? I need to know, because if you don't, I need to figure out how to get over you; but if you do, then maybe we can make this work. Or we can just be friends." I have a feeling that if he were to read this, he'd realize that I'm talking about him.

I'm talking about you, _______. By the way, feel free to text me. I'm pretty sure I'm not busy. Never am. ;)

If he reads this, my life as I know it will be over. It will either change for the better or for the worse..... I'm hoping it's for the better.

A.R.: Thank you for reading this. You're a great friend. You really are. Can you tell now that when I say that I know how you feel that I mean what I'm saying? You're not alone and you know that you can always come to me. I may not be able to give you much advice, but I do know that venting feels really good. Go for it.

E.W.: I know you're reading this. You read all my posts, which makes me feel awesome! Thanks for following and actually reading this blog! You rock! (P.S. ROCK CHALK, JAYHAWK!)

_._.: You should feel really powerful, because you have more power over me than you even know. Lucky. You may already know that I like you, but just in case, I really do. You're hilarious, intelligent, and the sweetest guy I've ever met. Also, I think you're pretty dang cute, which is definitely a perk! All my friends say that they could see us together, and I could too. Please, just take time to try to realize the same. If you can't, please tell me so I'm not hanging onto false hopes.

"If you'd just realize what I just realized: That we'd be perfect for each other and we'll never find another. Just realize what I just realized: We'd never have to wonder if we missed out on each other now."~~Colbie Caillat

I didn't proofread this post, so if there're any errors... MY BAD! It's also late. 11:59. I better post this so it says I posted it today and not tomorrow, which starts in a minute. Posting now. Thanks for reading.

Have a good night/day (depends on when you're reading this), everyone.


Head Cold

I woke up this morning with a head cold. Sore throat, congested sinuses, runny nose, the whole enchilada. And lemme tell you: it's not fun. But today, I realized more so than ever, that laughing makes all bad things go away for just a little while. I also heard that every time you laugh, you add 7 seconds onto your life. Pretty cool, huh?

I've laughed at a ton of things today. In my Spanish class, though, I was pretty loopy. I couldn't stop giggling, and I don't even know what I was laughing at. The class after that, English, was a lot of fun too. I laughed a lot today, which felt good. It made my cold go away for the little amount of time I was laughing.

Today was a valuable lesson. When we're going through something tough, we need to look at only the good things. If we do, the bad things won't be able to ruin our day. We'd have a good day. Every day. I try to make every day enjoyable, but it's tough.

I think I'm going to go to bed early tonight. Try to sleep off this cold. I'm hoping that I'll wake up well-rested ready for another day of laughter and happiness.


Mixing It Up

I just noticed how long my previous posts have been, so just to mix things up, here's a short post.


Have a good day/evening/night!



Here Goes....

So I'm sitting in my photography class. We're not doing much, so I decided to log on and make a post. I don't have a whole lot to talk about, but here goes....

I have dared myself to smile at the guy I like whenever he looks at me. If you've read my previous posts, you would know that whenever we make eye contact, it isn't for very long. I'm going to change that. "If you want something done right, you've got to do it yourself." I can't leave this up to him.

Let's see... What else?

As people are finding out about my car accident, I keep hearing, "Ooh! Fail!" That's not very encouraging, but then I remember that this kind of thing happens to everyone, and I'll get over it in time.... so to those of you who yelled, "Fail!" in my face, I'm waiting for the same to happen to you...

...Just kidding. I don't want this to happen to anyone else, but if it does happen to you, all I have to say is, "HAHA!"

Basically, that's all I have to say. There's not much to talk about.

OH! Just remembered: The other day, I was trying to remember every second of the accident. Someone asked me if I saw my life flash before my eyes. I didn't. Does this mean I have no life? I think that was God's way of slapping me in the face to say, "Get a life, Anna!!" Time to go get a life. I've got some changes to make.... Here goes....