I am so jealous of the girls who think, "eh. I don't need a guy yet. There's not reason to fret over them." Why am I so jealous? Because I can't stop thinking about him. You know what? I've been calling him "the guy" and "____". I should just give him a nickname. How about "Buddy"?

I can't stop thinking about Buddy. Yes, he's the one I'm trying to get over. I think I might be taking steps backwards....I was getting so far. And then this. I find myself wondering about every little thing he does (again). Examples?

I'm catching him looking straight at me every few minutes in class. Does that mean he likes me? Or do I have something in my teeth or on my face?
Is he one of those guys who doesn't want people to know he likes me so he's very subtle about it all?
Is he reluctant to talk to me because he's afraid of embarrassing himself? Or does he just have no interest whatsoever in talking to me?

There are more. I can't think of them this instant. (Wow. I'm watching the ice skating on the Olympics. How do they do that?! I can barely walk on the ice without breaking something! Sorry. Random. Back to the point.)

There are little things that make me think that he might like me. But then I see him around other girls and wonder if he likes them instead. Am I being paranoid? Maybe. Hopefully, because if I'm not, he has no interest in me.

What are those little things that put that "he might like me" thought into my head? Well, here we go:
I constantly catch him looking at me in class. Usually it's when I'm laughing about something or talking to my friends. (Does that mean I have a pretty smile? I dunno...)
He talked to me the day after he rejected me. I've pointed this one out before, but it's a big one. If he didn't like me, wouldn't he avoid talking to me? Especially after something like that.

Well... I guess there are only two little things.... p-a-t-h-e-t-i-c! but he doesn't exactly come across as one of those guys who has some burning desire to make his emotions and feelings known. GRRRR!! I'm so confused.

I'm going to give myself some advice:
"Anna, CARPE DIEM!! Don't worry about this one guy! You might miss another guy who really likes you and is really trying to let you know!! CARPE DIEM!!"

Now all I have to do is tell myself that on a regular basis.

That might mean every day.
Maybe every hour.
Maybe every 5 minutes.
Maybe even constantly.

You know what? We'll say it's whenever I need a self-esteem boost. ;) Feel free to replace my name with yours if you need to. I don't think pep talks can be copyrighted, can they? Nah! Who am I kidding?

Well, Buddy, here's to you. You're killing me slowly from the inside out. If I could give you a superhero name, it'd be Arsenic Boy: killing Anna since September 2009. If you like any other girls, then go for it. What's stopping you? Stop making me hold onto these stupid little things that give me the slightest sense of hope.

Pretty, pretty please. With a cherry on top. Hold the arsenic.

"The little things you do to me are taking me over. I wanna show ya. Everything inside of me like a nervous heart that is crazy beating."~~ The Little Things by Colbie Caillat

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